The story opens at the Ritz-Carlton, where Travers Gladwin, a fabulously wealthy and profoundly bored young man, attempts to use mental telepathy to attract the attention of a beautiful blonde girl dining with her aunt. His efforts result in a disastrous grapefruit splash and a comical misunderstanding that leaves him exasperated. Meanwhile, Gladwin's friend Whitney Barnes faces relentless pressure from his wealthy father to marry within a year, leading both young men to navigate the complex social expectations of elite New York society.
Seeking excitement and hoping to investigate a dishonest lawyer and a thieving servant named Watkins, Gladwin returns secretly from Egypt and locks himself in his Fifth Avenue mansion. To maintain his incognito, he registers at the Ritz under the alias Thomas Smith. The plot thickens when the young woman from the restaurant, Helen Burton, arrives at Gladwin's home to elope with him, believing him to be someone else entirely. Due to a series of hilarious confusions, an actual police patrolman named Michael Phelan gets his uniform borrowed, leading to endless complications involving an eccentric aunt, Omaha matchmaking, and an audacious art thief known as Alf Wilson.
Wilson, a master picture thief and art expert, gains access to Gladwin's mansion with the intention of stealing a fortune in masterpieces, including a famous Gainsborough and a Rembrandt. Mistaken for the homeowner by some and for a criminal by others, Wilson engages in a remarkable display of calm assurance while surrounded by police and detectives. Gladwin, still wearing the borrowed police uniform, tries desperately to thwart the theft while preserving Helen's reputation and winning her heart.
Amidst the confusion of arriving police reserves, eccentric relatives, and bumbling officers, Gladwin works to expose the impostor without causing a public scandal. He confronts Wilson directly, engaging in witty banter even while held at gunpoint. The narrative reaches its comedic peak as stolen canvases are recovered, mistaken identities are cleared up, and true affections are finally confessed.
The novel concludes on a note of romantic resolution, with Gladwin successfully securing both his priceless art collection and the heart of Helen Burton. The chaotic events of the night dissolve into happy prospects of marriage, leaving the pompous aunt defeated and the impostor vanishing into the night with characteristic flair.
