The narrative opens as Homer Nicholas pens a lengthy letter to Chief of Police David Nixon to explain the sudden, total disappearance of the local underworld. Homer has just married the brilliant, vibrant Joy, and they have visited Homer's eccentric uncle, Peter Nicholas. Peter is a scientific genius operating out of a basement laboratory with a blonde assistant named Cora. While Peter is ostensibly working on a revolutionary serum, he takes an interest in Homer's acquaintances from the seedier side of town.
The newlywed couple proceeds to Aunt Gretchen's mansion for a high-society reception, which is promptly crashed by an assortment of local criminals, including the Cement Mixer Zinsky mob and their rival Hands McCaffery. Aunt Gretchen is appalled, while Joy and Homer take the chaos in stride, joined by Homer's battered but good-hearted friend Bag Ears Mulligan. Uncle Peter arrives to act as a bartender, assisted by Cora, and begins covertly testing his new serum on the gangsters.
The substance does not kill them; rather, it elevates their physical structure into a higher vibratory rate and teleports them straight to a monastery in Tibet. A masked gunman named Hands McCaffery attempts to murder his rivals, but ends up dissolving into the serum's transport effect himself. As the chaos subsides, Aunt Gretchen is left in shock, and Uncle Peter prepares to depart for Tibet to study under yogis while taking Cora with him. Joy, having thoroughly enjoyed the violent excitement, leaves to help Bag Ears search for phantom bells. Homer finishes his letter in a tavern, mails it, and sets off to finally embark on his unconventional honeymoon.
