Timothy Dexter opens his unique work by detailing his rise to wealth through shrewd commercial speculations, including trades in whalebone, warming pans, and state securities. Having accumulated a considerable fortune, he establishes himself as the self-appointed Lord Dexter in Newburyport. He describes his lavish mansion adorned with golden eagles, minarets, and dozens of wooden statues representing prominent historical figures and himself.
Dexter reflects on domestic discord, recounting turbulent relationships with his wife whom he labels a ghost, and the financial ruin brought upon him by his son and son-in-law, Abraham Bishop. He discusses his employment of a poet laureate, Jonathan Plumer, to celebrate his grandeur, alongside his interactions with local figures and a shrewd servant named Lucy Lancaster.
The text transitions into a sprawling critique of societal institutions, focusing heavily on what Dexter calls priestcraft and the legal profession. He argues that ministers and lawyers exploit ordinary people through deception, warmongering, and false morality, while everyday citizens remain blinded by institutional dogmas and complex regulations.
Dexter outlines his unconventional theological views, asserting that humanity is inherently flawed and driven by animalistic impulses rather than divine grace. He suggests that religious authorities manufacture fear of the devil and eternal damnation purely to maintain social control and extract money from the devout.
Proposing structural reforms for society, Dexter advocates for reduced political corruption, stronger legal enforcement against thieves, and international diplomacy led by a coalition of powers like France, Britain, and America to eliminate warfare entirely.
He revisits the unconventional financial strategies that made him wealthy, explaining how he manipulated markets by purchasing massive quantities of unsalable goods and Bibles to prove the foolishness of conventional speculators who mocked his plans.
Concluding with reflections on mortality, Dexter describes the preparation of his own elaborate tomb and mock funeral, expressing frustration with his living family members who failed to display proper grief during the ceremony. He closes with final declarations on human nature and his place in history.
