Book summary “Tricks To Please A Woman”: summary

Introduction

You want to improve your sexual relationships, but widespread sexual illiteracy leaves many partners unsatisfied. Physical intimacy should provide deep pleasure and relieve stress, yet you might lack the specific tools to make encounters truly exceptional.

Fine-tuning specific sexual behaviors and managing risk enhances intimacy and pleasure when combined with rigorous safety protocols.

Jay Wiseman defines tricks as small, specific behaviors that transform adequate sex into great sex. The book teaches you how to optimize the physical atmosphere, master safe toy use, and introduce advanced sensory techniques. You also learn to navigate responsible power exchange safely.

• How do you set up the bedroom for maximum comfort and safety?
• What are the precise rules for hygienic anal play?
• How do you integrate temperature play and manage latex allergies?
• Which safeguards make BDSM play safe for both partners?

1. Basic Atmosphere and Safer Sex Fundamentals

Pursuing sexual pleasure is a positive and desirable good that relieves stress and improves human well-being. Puritanical cultural suspicions often cloud this reality. Sharing pleasure builds intimacy and eases depression, though you must avoid destructive extremes.

Tricks are small, specific behaviors that improve an already functioning sex life.

Jay Wiseman defines tricks as fine-tuning details of touch, timing, or arrangement that enhance good sex. They function like spices in food. You should use them sparingly because too many can overwhelm the experience and distance you from the present moment.

In October 1992, the author first began collecting these behaviors after publishing Tricks: More Than 125 Ways to Make Good Sex Better.

Setting the Bedroom Atmosphere

Creating an ideal physical environment for intimacy involves adjusting temperature, lighting, audio, and eliminating interruptions. Physical comfort and psychological safety are heightened by managing these sensory details, which helps you and your partner relax and maintain privacy.

• Turn up the heat to at least 75 degrees so naked partners remain comfortable.
• Turn down the lights using candles, low-wattage bulbs, or dimmer switches.
• Turn up the music to add atmosphere and keep unique sounds private.
• Turn off the phone's ringer and let voicemail handle calls with the volume turned down.

Hygiene and Cross Contamination

Strict hygiene rules must be followed during sexual play to prevent severe infections. You must avoid transferring bacteria from the anus to the vagina. The rectum and vagina have different bacterial environments. Moving an uncleaned object or finger directly between them risks severe infections requiring antibiotics.

• Never place anything in a woman's vagina if it's recently been in her or anyone else's rectum without thorough cleaning.
• Never seal your mouth over a woman's vagina and blow air into it.

Blowing air into a vagina can cause a fatal air embolism. Additionally, sugary foods used in play can cause yeast infections.

Safer Sex Barriers and Lubricants

Using appropriate barriers, gloves, and specific types of lubricants protects against infections and enhances comfort during erotic play. Different materials interact with lubricants and body chemistry in specific ways. Oil-based lubricants degrade latex condoms and gloves. You can use them safely with polyurethane products instead.

• Place two or three condoms or gloves over a vibrator or dildo to easily remove barriers when moving from anal to vaginal play.
• Use latex gloves and plenty of lubricant for anal exploration to shield fingernails and make the activity more acceptable.

2. Toys and Anal Play Techniques

Sex toys such as vibrators, cock rings, and dildos come in various configurations that require specific handling and safety measures. Toys range from plug-in wand vibrators that offer strong vibrations and heat, to battery-operated bullet vibrators, Ben Wa balls, butt plugs, and strap-on harnesses. Understanding their construction helps users avoid injuries such as burns, tissue numbness, or lost items in the rectum.

Proper handling of sex toys and adherence to the five shuns ensure safe and pleasurable anal exploration.

Erotic Boutique Tour

Store display units require careful checks.

• Test store display vibrators for sound levels before purchasing.
• Inspect each anal bead and carefully file down any rough seams before insertion.
• Apply a layer of lubricant beforehand when using a strong vibrator to prevent vibrator burn.

Wand-type vibrators and coil-type vibrators deliver powerful sensations. A Swedish Massager operates with distinct force. Ben Wa Balls provide internal stimulation. A duotone device offers varied settings. A cock ring restricts blood flow. Butt plugs stay in place via flanges. Anal beads move in sequence. A seven-inch by one-inch plastic vibrator requires cautious placement. A two inches long bullet vibrator operates on a forty minutes or more battery charge.

The Five Shuns of Anal Play

Successful and safe anal play requires careful attention to five foundational elements known as the five shuns. The author outlines five critical factors for anal play: Information regarding past experiences and medical issues like hemorrhoids, Protection using barriers and proper cleaning, Lubrication with generous amounts of water-based lube, Relaxation by proceeding slowly past the internal and external sphincters, and Communication for continuous feedback.

Follow these specific steps for safe penetration:

• Gather information about previous anal experiences and medical problems.
• Ensure all items entering the anus are protected with a barrier like a condom.
• Use a generous amount of water-based lubricant.
• Go slowly, starting with one gloved finger and waiting for the sphincters to relax before adding more.
• Maintain constant communication and stop if anything feels wrong.

Safer sex is fundamentally a matter of managing probabilities rather than relying on absolute guarantees. The author explains that no protective measure or medical practice is one hundred percent effective, and risk levels vary drastically by the specific sexual act performed. Unprotected receptive anal intercourse carries the highest relative risk, while masturbation is among the safest activities. There is one chance in three - the odds of getting infected by a single act of unprotected receptive anal sex with an HIV-positive partner. Sixty seconds of clear thinking about what is proper sexual behavior for you can add 60 years to your life.

• Assess the reliability of information and potential agendas of authorities.
• Consider getting an AIDS antibody test.
• Select sexual acts and barriers to shift the odds in your favor.

Accidents and Maintenance

When a sex toy or item becomes lost inside the rectum, panicked rescue operations should be avoided because natural bowel action will usually pass it. The rectum is not a closed system, and items can drift out of reach. However, the bowel's natural peristaltic action will prevent it from moving further up, and harsh laxatives or enemas should be avoided because they can push the item deeper. 24 hours - the maximum time to wait before seeing a doctor if a lost object has not passed on its own.

• Assume a squatting position to help pass the object.
• Try reaching the item gently with a fingertip if possible.
• Insert an ounce or two of additional liquid lubricant like mineral oil if needed.
• Avoid enemas and stimulant or irritant-type laxatives.
• Seek medical aid if the object has not passed after 24 hours or if pain, fever, or bleeding occurs.

Proper cleaning of sex toys focuses on reducing microorganisms below an infectious concentration rather than achieving impossible absolute sterilization. The cleaning method depends on whether the material is absorbent or nonabsorbent. Nonabsorbent items can withstand powerful disinfecting solutions, while absorbent toys require more delicate handling to avoid retaining chemical irritants. Up to 97% - the proportion of bugs removed by a thorough washing with soap and water.

• Rinse the item under a stream of warm water for a few minutes while wearing gloves.
• Scrub nonabsorbent items with soap for a few minutes, or place them in the top rack of a dishwasher.
• Soak nonabsorbent items in a solution of 9 parts water to 1 part 5.25% sodium hypochlorite bleach for at least 20 minutes.
• Alternatively, soak items in a solution containing at least 60% ethanol or isopropyl alcohol for at least 20 minutes.
• Allow items to dry completely in the air or direct sunlight.

3. Advanced Sensory Tricks and Allergies

Unconventional tools and temperature play heighten arousal while managing latex allergies protects health.

Latex Allergy Response

Latex allergies can appear suddenly and range from mild skin rashes to life-threatening anaphylactic reactions requiring immediate emergency action. Because latex exposure can cause severe throat swelling and breathing failure similar to a bee sting, you must recognize the symptoms and keep appropriate medical tools or non-latex alternatives available.

• Wash the affected area thoroughly and apply an anti-itch cream for minor contact dermatitis.
• Switch entirely to non-latex alternatives like polyurethane condoms, nitrile or vinyl gloves, and plastic wrap.
• Call emergency services immediately if breathing trouble does not get better.
• Use an Epi-Pen to deliver epinephrine during a severe systemic reaction.

Tool Using Tricks

Unconventional everyday objects like soft paintbrushes, hairbrushes, and dental floss can be employed to deliver intense, novel tactile stimulation to sensitive erogenous zones. Using soft brushes or the bristles of a hairbrush on lubricated skin creates highly sensitive nerve activation resembling cunnilingus. Similarly, wrapping dental floss around nipples produces a persistent, gentle stimulation.

• Hold vaginal lips open and use a soft brush on the outer lips, inner lips, and clitoris without using lube.
• Use the bristles of a hairbrush to lightly scratch lubricated genitals and inner thighs.
• Wrap the erect part of the nipple firmly with dental floss using multiple wraps for a sweater-bumping effect, removing it after half an hour or if it hurts.

Oral Temperature Play

Incorporating extreme temperatures and specific flavor techniques during oral sex significantly enhances responsiveness and sensory contrast. Simple additions like holding an ice cube in the teeth or keeping a cup of hot liquid nearby create dramatic hot-and-cold swirls or wash away tastes that partners may dislike.

• Keep a cup of hot coffee, tea, or water by the bed during oral sex.
• Go down on a partner with an ice cube in your teeth, alternating contact to create a hot and cold swirl.
• Place your tongue over the head of the penis shortly before ejaculation to minimize the taste of semen.

4. Responsible BDSM and Power Exchange

Erotic power exchange and BDSM carry significant physical and emotional risks that require strict safety measures and precautions.

The author considers bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and leathersex among the riskiest forms of sex due to vulnerability and physical control. You must pre-negotiate scenes and avoid bondage during the first few sessions with a new partner. Keep safety equipment nearby at all times.

• Let someone you trust know where you are, who you're with, and what you are doing before playing privately with a new partner.
• Establish a specific time and method to check in with this person.
• Let your new partner know ahead of time that a silent alarm is in place.

BDSM Safety and Silent Alarms

Any bound person must have a quick release mechanism that allows complete freedom within seconds in case of an emergency. Keep a pair of scissors handy, specifically large plastic-handled paramedic scissors designed to cut through leather and webbing. Ensure you can get your lover completely free within sixty seconds, and preferably within thirty seconds, in an emergency.

Self-bondage carries severe risks of injury or death due to restricted breathing, numbness, and the inability to escape if equipment malfunctions. Many fatalities have involved experienced players using gags, hoods, or neck ropes. Even when hands go numb after an hour, falling keys or equipment failure can leave you trapped.

• Be very conservative about using anything that restricts breathing, causes vulnerability to a fall, or restricts your arms during self-bondage.
• Limit self-bondage conservatively to binding breasts and genitals if exploring it.

Hot wax play requires plain paraffin candles and prior temperature testing to prevent severe skin burns. Colored or beeswax candles melt at much higher temperatures and have caused third-degree burns. Plain white paraffin or specific religious icon candles in tall glasses offer moderate sensations.

• Use only plain white paraffin candles or candles in tall glasses for hot wax play.
• Drip a few drops of wax onto your own skin, such as the back of your hand, to test the temperature before dropping it onto your lover's skin.

Spanking Scales and Nonverbal Squeezes

Using a numbered scale from one to ten helps a novice recipient calibrate spanking intensity and retain emotional balance. Each stroke above three is about twenty-five percent stronger than the previous one, allowing the receiver to indicate willingness and limits.

• Raise your hand about twelve inches above the receiver's buttocks and let it drop to establish a strength of three.
• Establish a two as about half that forceful, and a one as a very light touch.
• Increase each spank above three by about 25% in strength compared to the previous number.
• Have the receiver call out a number to indicate both their willingness and the strength they are willing to receive.

Pre-arranged hand squeezes provide a reliable nonverbal check-in method when a partner is deep inside an intense scene. When verbal checking might ruin the mood or when a receiver goes under into a deep nonverbal state, you can use a specific pattern of hand squeezes to ask if they are okay.

• Take the receiver's hand and give it two firm, noticeable, non-painful squeezes lasting about one second each with a one-second pause in between.
• Wait for the receiver to give two squeezes in return to signal they are basically okay.
• If there is no reply after ten seconds, repeat the two squeezes, and if another ten seconds brings no reply, make verbal contact.

Integration and Post Play

Proper processing of an SM session requires structured check-ins at specific intervals after the play concludes.

• Check in immediately afterwards with a brief reassurance that both parties are emotionally and physically okay.
• Check in the next day for a debrief regarding thoughts, feelings, what worked, and future play plans.
• Check in about a week later to deal with any rare emotional aftershocks or delayed physical problems.

Conclusion

Physical adjustments, safety protocols, and clear communication fit together to create a reliable framework for lasting intimacy and pleasure. You achieve satisfying sexual experiences by combining meticulous preparation with constant attention to your partner's responses and boundaries. Mastering these specific techniques allows you to navigate advanced play, manage health risks, and maintain mutual trust.

1. Prepare your environment and maintain strict hygiene standards before initiating any physical contact.
2. Communicate continuously about boundaries, desires, and discomfort using established safety cues.
3. Apply explicit rules for hygiene, lubrication, and directional movement during anal play.
4. Test all temperature elements and alternative sensory tools on your own skin first.
5. Establish reliable emergency release mechanisms and conduct thorough check-ins after every session.

10 Key Ideas

1. Pursuing sexual pleasure is a positive and desirable good that relieves stress and improves human well-being.
2. Jay Wiseman defines tricks as small, specific behaviors that fine-tune details of touch, timing, or arrangement to transform adequate sex into great sex.
3. Creating an ideal physical environment for intimacy involves adjusting temperature, lighting, audio, and eliminating interruptions.
4. Strict hygiene rules must be followed during sexual play to prevent severe infections, such as never transferring bacteria from the anus to the vagina.
5. Using appropriate barriers, gloves, and specific types of lubricants protects against infections and enhances comfort during erotic play.
6. Sex toys such as vibrators, cock rings, and dildos require specific handling, hygiene maintenance, and safety measures to avoid injuries.
7. Successful and safe anal play requires careful attention to the five shuns: Information, Protection, Lubrication, Relaxation, and Communication.
8. Safer sex is fundamentally a matter of managing probabilities rather than relying on absolute guarantees, as risk levels vary drastically by the specific sexual act performed.
9. Unconventional everyday objects like soft paintbrushes, hairbrushes, and temperature elements can be employed to deliver intense, novel tactile stimulation to sensitive erogenous zones.
10. Erotic power exchange and BDSM carry significant physical and emotional risks that require pre-negotiation, strict safety measures, emergency release mechanisms, and post-play check-ins.