Book summary “Sex with Kings”: summary

Introduction

European monarchs married for territory, wealth, and dynastic survival rather than love. You find that these rigid political unions left kings isolated and seeking emotional and physical fulfillment outside the crown.

Royal mistresses wielded immense political influence, luxury, and danger by mastering the art of pleasing monarchs while navigating a treacherous landscape of rivals and double standards.

Eleanor Herman explores the hidden world of rummaging royal mistresses in Sex with Kings: 500 Years of Adultery, Power, Rivalry, and Revenge. You discover how these women managed their relationships, wealth, and survival within absolute monarchies.

The book answers several vital questions about this forgotten echelon of power:

• How did a woman secure and maintain the affection of an absolute monarch?
• What role did compliant husbands and discarded queens play in court dynamics?
• How did mistresses leverage their positions to accumulate vast fortunes and political influence?
• What happened to these women when their royal protectors died?

1. The Art of Pleasing a King

Good looks alone were never enough to secure the position of royal mistress. You discovered that maintaining power required meticulous care for the king's senses, moods, and intellectual needs. Kings initially sampled the most beautiful women in their courts, but they frequently found them boring if they lacked wit or inner charm. Plain women often captivated monarchs through frequent contact, revealing their good nature, keen intellect, and clever conversation. Mademoiselle de Fontanges captivated Louis XIV with her blonde beauty, but the king quickly grew embarrassed by her extreme foolishness and tired of her.

A successful royal mistress made herself irreplaceable by meticulously catering to the king's five senses and carefully managing his moods.

You had to serve favorite foods, decorate living spaces for relaxation, fill rooms with scented flowers, and read facial expressions or vocal cadences to adapt your behavior, providing a warm home environment to a lonely monarch. Madame de Pompadour decorated her apartments in relaxing colors, brought in greenhouse flowers in winter, and studied Louis XV's moods to know when to provide silence or stories. To secure your position, you followed specific domestic rules:

• Decorate living spaces with relaxing colors and seasonal scents.
• Monitor the partner's facial expressions and vocal tone to read hidden moods.
• Serve favorite dishes and wines to please the palate.
• Provide comforting entertainment such as reading, music, or conversation.

The Mask of Perpetual Cheerfulness

Royal mistresses were strictly forbidden from showing fatigue, illness, grief, or discomfort in the king's presence. Unlike queens, who were permanent fixtures in the palace, you could be dismissed at any moment and had to maintain a constant mask of beaming delight. You endured physical torment, unwanted hunts, and illness without complaint. During a six-hour carriage ride from Versailles to Fontainebleau, the duchesse de Chevreuse suffered from an urgent need for a chamber pot and eventually relieved herself in a holy chalice.

Madame de Pompadour maintained her nineteen-year reign over Louis XV through relentless efforts to cure his constant boredom. Arriving at Versailles in 1745 at twenty-four years old, she spent 22,500 livres on a single lace-trimmed dress. To keep the king amused, she operated a private theater where she performed lead roles, reported on architectural building plans, ran a botanical garden, and read police copies of intimate court letters. When physical intimacy waned due to personal health or frigidity, intelligent mistresses compensated by becoming indispensable advisors, conversationalists, and entertainment directors.

2. Rivals and Husbands

Queens faced severe isolation while clever mistresses managed compliant husbands or secured political alliances to protect their precarious status.

The Isolated Foreign Queen

Royal brides were plucked from their familiar homes and thrown into foreign courts where they faced immediate isolation and political sidelining. Raised like hothouse flowers, young princesses traveled to distant lands with alien customs and languages. Once wedding festivities ended, courtiers quickly grouped around the king's dashing mistress rather than the dull foreign queen.

When Catherine Braganza arrived in England to marry Charles II, the king spent the first six days dining with his pregnant mistress Lady Castlemaine while his bride waited ill with a fever in Portsmouth.

A queen's standing at court depended entirely on her husband's support, which was often conditional on how nicely she treated his mistress. Courtiers aped the king's treatment, respecting the queen only if he did, and ignoring or insulting her if he mistreated her.

Charles II forced his new wife Queen Catherine to accept his mistress Lady Castlemaine as a lady of the bedchamber, isolating Catherine until she finally welcomed the mistress into her inner circle.

Sensible queens recognized that a discreet, compliant mistress was a necessary accessory that prevented the king from installing a passionate successor who might genuinely steal his heart and political influence.

Queen Caroline of England quietly supported her husband's mild mistress Henrietta Howard because Henrietta did not plunder the treasury, seek political power, or sow disruptive court intrigues. King George II paid 1200 pounds a year to hush Henrietta Howard's estranged husband Mr. Howard.

The Role of the Cuckolded Husband

Marriage was often used to confer respectability and legitimacy upon a royal mistress. Kings sometimes arranged marriages for their mistresses or kept them married to veil the illicit relationship with a semblance of social acceptability. This shielded the women from the immediate social stigma of bearing children out of wedlock, although it occasionally raised theological concerns about double adultery.

Louis XV had taverns and brothels searched to find a pimp's brother, the comte du Barry, to marry the prostitute Jeanne Becu. At the altar, the man was given a bag of gold, a pension for life, and a horse so Jeanne could be presented at court as a respectable countess.

Compliant husbands were richly rewarded with immense fortunes, properties, and prestigious titles for allowing their wives to become royal mistresses. Many husbands readily encouraged their wives' liaisons with the king because the financial and social dividends were astronomical. These payoffs transformed obscure families into owners of grand estates and holders of high offices.

The prince de Soubise pretended to snore outside his wife's apartment while she met Louis XIV. He laughed at court disdain all the way to the bank as his family used the proceeds to build the Hôtel de Soubise. Louis XV gave Monsieur d'Etioles the farmer-general post in 1747, yielding an annual income of 400,000 livres. Augustus the Strong gave Madame d'Esterle a pair of earrings valued at 40,000 florins.

While many husbands complied, a few actively fought back against the monarch's infringement. Their resistance often resulted in violent rages, public spectacles mocking their cuckoldry, formal separations, or imprisonments by royal order.

The marquis de Montespan drove up to the royal château in a carriage draped in black and decorated with four giant pairs of stags' horns. He later hosted a mock funeral for his wife, mourning her death from coquetry and ambition.

3. Unceasing Vigilance and Wealth

Securing the position of royal mistress was only the beginning. Retaining it required constant, exhausting vigilance against an endless stream of ambitious rivals.

Retaining favor demanded constant defense against rivals and witches, while financial survival relied on portable wealth, estates, and pensions.

Unlike queens whose positions were secure, mistresses faced hundreds of women attempting to topple them. Retaining favor was likened to a marathon where the finish line kept moving. You needed spies, courtiers, and servants to undermine newcomers by spreading rumors about their health, greed, or lack of discretion.

Madame de Montespan kept a constant watch for rivals like the princesse de Soubise and Madame de Ludres. She even resorted to sharing a joint apartment with her predecessor Louise de La Vallière to monitor the king.

Surviving Rivals and Black Magic

Some royal mistresses resorted to extreme measures to force monarchs to fall in love with them and eliminate competition. Desperate to win the king's heart, you might pay fortune-tellers and witches for love potions containing bizarre and gruesome ingredients.

Madame de Montespan visited the witch La Voisin, who was 35 years old when she practiced her services. She used love potions made of dead babies' blood, bones, and animal parts in the king's food and wine to secure Louis XIV's affections. Authorities later uncovered the remains of 2,500 infants in La Voisin's garden from aborted, stillborn, and sacrificed victims.

Royal mistresses were frequently blindsided not by external enemies, but by their own female relatives invited to court. Madame de Mailly was successively supplanted as Louis XV's mistress by three of her own sisters: Pauline-Félicité, Marie-Anne, and Madame de Lauragais.

Portable Wealth and Jewels

Because a royal mistress could be exiled at a moment's notice by a change in political winds, you needed assets that could be quickly converted or hidden. Cash, gold plate, horses, and especially diamonds functioned as the ultimate insurance policy against sudden disgrace.

Jewelry served as the primary portable commodity, allowing you to carry a king's ransom during a hasty escape. Mistresses loaded their bodies with diamonds and pearls not merely out of vanity. Precious gems could be sewn into clothing or stuffed into sacks for a sudden flight into exile.

Barbara, Lady Castlemaine, helped herself to the king's Jewel House in the Tower of London. She successfully turned borrowed items and gifts meant for the queen into her own personal property.

Securing luxurious court apartments and country estates provided mistresses with high social status, rental income, and profitable property investments. Court apartments linked to the king by secret doors proclaimed a mistress's supremacy over other courtiers. Madame de Pompadour owned seventeen estates over her nineteen-year tenure, generating income from tenants, wine sales, and crop yields.

4. Political Power and Public Scrutiny

Popular perception assumed mistresses held absolute political dominance. Most actually acted by smoothing relations with ministers, calming monarchs during anger, or helping them view problems differently. Kings, protective of their divine authority, generally preferred light conversation and sex after hours of heavy state business.

Most royal mistresses did not wield direct political power, instead offering gentle persuasion, emotional stabilization, and alternative perspectives to the monarch.

Archduke Francesco de Medici fumed against female political interference, yet his mistress Bianca Cappello tactfully made him believe her ideas were his own and effectively ran Tuscany with her friend Secretary of State Serguidi.

Power Between the Sheets

Gabrielle d'Estrées utilized charm and diplomacy to resolve major civil conflicts and shape foreign policy for Henri IV. Gabrielle used persuasion to convince Protestant Henri to convert to Catholicism, famously prompting his remark that Paris was worth a Mass. She corresponded directly with the pope to support enemy factions and negotiated surrenders to end civil wars without bloodshed.

In 1596, Henri bestowed gold keys giving Gabrielle the right to join the council. The Edict of Nantes was signed in 1598, granting Huguenot rights.

Gabrielle negotiated a peaceful surrender with the rebellious duc de Mercoeur through a tête-à-tête with his wife in a carriage, arranging terms and a marriage between their children.

Madame de Pompadour wielded unprecedented political power as an unofficial prime minister, ultimately steering France into a disastrous wartime alliance. She controlled court patronage, dismissed uncooperative ministers, and decided which messages reached Louis XV. Believing Prussia had grown too strong under Frederick the Great, she orchestrated the diplomatic shift to ally France with Austria during the Seven Years' War.

Frederick the Great was so offended by her power that he named his dogs after her, Empress Elizabeth, and Empress Maria Theresa, calling them Petticoats I, II, and III. In 1753, the marquis d'Argenson wrote that the mistress was acting as Prime Minister. The Seven Years' War lasted from 1757 to 1763, resulting in approximately 200,000 Frenchmen killed or wounded.

Red Whores of Babylon

Royal mistresses invariably bore the brunt of public anger and court hostility regardless of their actions, facing accusations of harlotry, tax drains, and foreign espionage. Because criticizing the king was treason, discontented populations and jealous courtiers targeted his mistress. Whether they were wealthy spendthrifts, foreign Catholics, or commoners, mistresses were subjected to lampoons, pornographic poetry, mud-peltings, and death threats.

German troops marching past Madame de Montespan shouted Königs Hure. Parisians pelted Madame de Pompadour's carriage with eggs and mud after war losses.

Dancer Lola Montez exerted controversial political sway over elderly King Ludwig of Bavaria, ultimately sparking a revolution and forcing his abdication. Lola's uncertain nationality, fierce temper, and violent outbursts against citizens outraged the public. Her special student fraternity defenders, the Alemannia, clashed with university students, leading to severe civil unrest, riots, and the closure of the university.

The year 1848 brought the revolution in Bavaria triggered by Lola Montez and political unrest. When a city commandant falsely announced Lola was leaving Munich, she ran outside with a gun daring the mob to kill her, shouting here I am, kill me if you dare.

5. Death, Religion, and Marriage

The death of a king brought immediate ruin or banishment, forcing aging mistresses toward religious penitence while modern royals abandoned old marriage traditions.

Deathbed Banishment

Upon a king's death, his final mistress was immediately barred from the sickroom. The dying monarch's relatives typically blocked her entry to prevent mortal sin and soul pollution.

The royal family often unleashed swift retribution upon her. When Alfonso XI of Castile died of the black plague in 1350, his mistress Leonor de Guzman was imprisoned by the queen and murdered in her cell.

Diane de Poitiers lost all her political power and the royal jewels instantly when her lover King Henri II was fatally injured in a joust in 1559. Queen Catherine barred Diane from visiting the dying king and immediately demanded the return of crown jewels, keys, and châteaux once the king finally expired. Diane surrendered the keys and jewels, retired to the château of Anet, devoted her final years to good works, and died quietly at sixty-five in 1566.

Religion and Later Life

Most rejected or retired mistresses avoided tragedy. They lived out their later years in comfortable country homes, managing finances, and frequently contracting respectable marriages.

Catherine Sedley, former mistress of James II, married the respected officer Sir David Colyear at age forty and gave him two sons. William III endowed Elizabeth Villiers with 90000 acres in Ireland and an annual income in pounds of 5000.

As their beauty faded and youth vanished, many former royal mistresses turned to intense religious devotion. They sought spiritual salvation through strict monastic life, fasting, and building hospitals for the poor. Louise de La Vallière abandoned the court of Louis XIV at age twenty-nine to enter the strict Carmelite convent. Madame de Montespan was fifty-one when she was ordered to leave court and later built a hospital for the poor.

The New Trend in Royal Marriages

Modern European princes have abandoned the outdated tradition of marrying virgin princesses for blood purity. They chose instead to marry commoners for love.

The traditional requirement for a virgin bride with political or dynastic backing caused centuries of inbreeding and genetic disorders. Modern heirs successfully fought for marriages with commoners. In 2001, Crown Prince Haakon of Norway married his live-in girlfriend Mette-Marit, a former waitress with an illegitimate child, after threatening to renounce his throne.

Camilla Parker-Bowles successfully endured decades of intense public hostility to eventually secure a recognized partnership with Prince Charles. Modern royal mistresses like Camilla have no political influence and must rely on sheer endurance, personal charm, and the eventual acceptance by the royal family. After a grueling public scandal dubbed Camillagate in 1993, Camilla slowly rebuilt her standing with the help of Prince William and Prince Harry. She eventually won acceptance from the Church of England and Queen Elizabeth II, building on a relationship that began when they met in the 1970 year.

10 Key Ideas

1. European monarchs married for territory, wealth, and dynastic survival rather than love, leaving kings isolated and seeking emotional and physical fulfillment outside the crown.
2. A successful royal mistress made herself irreplaceable by meticulously catering to the king's five senses, maintaining a perpetual mask of cheerfulness, and carefully managing his moods.
3. Sensible queens recognized that a discreet, compliant mistress was a necessary accessory, while husbands were richly rewarded with immense fortunes and prestigious titles for allowing their wives to become royal mistresses.
4. Retaining royal favor demanded constant defense against rivals and witches, while financial survival relied on portable wealth, estates, and pensions.
5. Some royal mistresses resorted to extreme measures like visiting witches for love potions to eliminate competition and force monarchs to fall in love with them.
6. Most royal mistresses did not wield direct political power, instead offering gentle persuasion, emotional stabilization, and alternative perspectives to the monarch.
7. Royal mistresses invariably bore the brunt of public anger and court hostility regardless of their actions, facing accusations of harlotry, tax drains, and foreign espionage.
8. Upon a king's death, his final mistress was immediately barred from the sickroom, facing immediate ruin, banishment, or swift retribution from the royal family.
9. As their beauty faded and youth vanished, many former royal mistresses turned to intense religious devotion and sought spiritual salvation through strict monastic life and building hospitals.
10. Modern European princes have abandoned the outdated tradition of marrying virgin princesses for blood purity, choosing instead to marry commoners for love.