Book summary “I Have Something to Tell You”: summary

Introduction

You often feel isolated when your authentic identity conflicts with the expectations of your small-town community. Growing up in a conservative environment forces you to hide who you are, creating a heavy burden of fear and shame. You might struggle with the silence of the closet while searching for a way to survive and belong.

A political memoir showing how embracing your authentic identity transforms personal struggles into a foundation for public service and resilience.

You will discover how to move from rural isolation to finding inclusive communities through the arts, education, and travel. The narrative follows a journey from Northern Michigan to the national stage.

You will find answers to several vital questions:

• How do you overcome the fear of rejection in a hostile environment?
• What role do creative outlets play in building personal resilience?
• How does stepping outside your comfort zone shape your identity?
• In what ways can a personal struggle become a foundation for public service?

1. Growing Up in Northern Michigan

Discovering an LGBTQ+ identity in a conservative rural environment creates intense internal conflict, while family traditions and early work ethic build resilience.

Identity and Fear

When you realize you are gay in a conservative environment, you may feel as though you are concealing a dangerous beast in your stomach. You fear that this beast might slip out and expose you to public humiliation.

Growing up in Northern Michigan, the author hid his enthusiasm for the show Will & Grace. He feared that appearing too happy about a gay character would lead others to deduce his secret. Early media representation provided a vital lifeline and a glimpse of hope for isolated youth. Seeing gay characters and public figures on television hinted that a future existed where LGBTQ+ individuals could succeed and live openly.

The author watched Will & Grace, which aired in 1998, and Ellen DeGeneres on television. Ellen came out as gay in 1997 and later started her own talk show in 2003. Sixteen years passed between watching Ellen as a kid and appearing as a guest on her show. Uniqueness of names can become targets for childhood bullying, but they ultimately reflect familial creativity and shape one's personal resilience.

A bully on the school bus mocked the author by calling him 'Chasteen' and 'Chastity'. His high school graduation announcer mistakenly called him Chase-tin J. Gleezeman.

Family and Work Ethic

Growing up immersed in the distinctive seasonal landscape of Northern Michigan fosters independence, resourcefulness, and a strong sense of place. Traverse City, Michigan, had a population of 15,559 as of 2022. The author's grandparents moved to Traverse City in 1959.

The family split their time across Michigan seasons, engaging in activities like building snow forts, ice skating on a backyard rink, and gathering for annual trips to Fish Camp. This involved a seven-hour drive from Traverse City to Uncle Gene's cabin in the Upper Peninsula.

Parents sometimes use deliberate, challenging pranks and calculated tests to build resilience and foster self-reliance in their children. The author's father left him alone on a remote riverbank at Fish Camp until after sunset to observe how he would cope and survive on his own.

Involving children in a family-run small business instills a deep appreciation for financial realities, routine, and a strong work ethic. The author helped out in his parents' landscaping business by spraying down the hydroseeder with a garden hose, stuffing paper invoices, and working at their Christmas tree lot.

2. Finding Community Through Arts

Staging a dramatic event over an ordinary occurrence can transform a socially awkward child into the center of attention and reveal a natural talent for performance. When a classroom butterfly died, the author chose to embrace intense drama rather than deny ownership, staging a massive funeral that captivated his peers and made him realize his aptitude for acting.

In third grade, the author claimed a dead classroom butterfly, named it Mildred, and organized a grand funeral with an ivory jewelry box coffin borrowed from a classmate named Katie. This event became known as the Great Butterfly Death of 1997.

Community theater programs provide an inclusive sanctuary for non-athletic or eccentric youths who feel alienated by traditional school sports and social groups.

Unlike high-stakes athletic environments, community theater groups prioritize diversity and inclusion, allowing young people to shed their protective armor under bright stage lights. The author joined the Old Town Playhouse in Traverse City, landing roles in productions like The Best Christmas Pageant Ever and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. He also earned 100 dollars for filming a local recycling commercial.

An individual can combat feelings of inadequacy about their school or neighborhood by taking direct action to build community pride. Instead of waiting for official institutions to improve facilities, a determined student can leverage local recycling deposit systems to fund aesthetic upgrades. The author collected pop cans from neighborhoods and cashed them in for ten-cent deposits to raise hundreds of dollars to hire a muralist to paint a Blair Bobcat mascot on the gym wall.

Rural Expectations and Acting

Growing up in rural areas often forces boys to perform a narrow definition of toughness, associating traditional masculinity with specific activities and avoidance of vulnerability. Social circles at county fairs and schools demand visible displays of manliness involving hunting, trucks, and athletics, causing sensitive boys to hide their true selves.

The author participated in 4-H raising massive steers and pretending to be a country boy, while privately seeking refuge from these rigid expectations in the quiet barnyard. A fully grown steer at the county fair weighed 1000 to 1500 pounds, which created a body weight ratio of 10 times between the heavy animal and a human child.

Children often fixate on insignificant details like hometown names to make others feel inferior, but forcing them to articulate their reasoning causes them to recoil. The author experienced kids teasing classmates from Grawn by rolling the word off their lips like a mold. You can neutralize verbal insults by following specific steps:

• Ask someone to explain their question or insult when you sense it is meant to harm you.
• Give them time to explain.
• Say, 'What do you mean by that?' to reveal how weak or silly their point is.

3. Cafeteria Politics and Survival

High school social hierarchies and homogenous political bubbles force closeted teenagers to internalize homophobia while striving to blend in.

High school parking lots and lunch spaces often serve as visible markers of social status, political alignment, and peer segregation.

Parking arrangements in rural high schools divided students into distinct groups, such as the country crowd parking trucks in the hick lot. Similarly, you struggle to find a belonging place in the cafeteria and often hide in the hallway outside the auditorium.

Students who drove pickup trucks, Jeeps, or tractors parked in the hick lot as a source of pride, while Chasten parked his unusually shaped minivan there and later hid with his lunch in the hallway outside the auditorium with permission from the theater teacher, Mrs. Bach.

Taking on multiple jobs and projects provides teenagers with financial independence and purpose while building a strong work ethic. By combining income from raising steers in 4-H, working as a kennel technician at an animal hospital, and busing tables at a local Mexican restaurant called La Señorita, the author saved enough money to buy his first car and fund his own gas and outings.

Chasten worked up to half his hours at the animal hospital, ran to his dinner shift at La Señorita to scrape burritos off tables, and then returned to finish his janitorial duties at the vet clinic, often ending his day smelling like bleach and salsa. The author purchased a 1992 year of the Mitsubishi Expo LRV, nicknamed the Mitsushitzu, with these earnings.

In homogenous or conservative small towns, young people often absorb and display political identities like wearing campaign stickers simply to blend in and signal conformity. Without understanding broader political policies or controversies, teenagers may adopt political stances and candidate support mirroring their families and social circles just to avoid standing out or facing peer hostility.

After attending a George W. Bush rally in Traverse City, Michigan, in 2004 when the president ran for reelection, 15-year-old Chasten placed a W campaign sticker on his car bumper to signal to his peers that he belonged, until a classmate confronted him in the hallway and questioned his support.

Internalized Homophobia

Growing up in a conservative and predominantly straight community causes closeted youth to internalize homophobic rhetoric, viewing their own identity as a dangerous malfunction. Constant exposure to derogatory remarks about gay people from peers and trusted adults leads LGBTQ+ youth to feel deep shame, self-blame, and terror of discovery, forcing them into survival mode and concealment.

Chasten recalled youth group leaders and acquaintances warning against the gay lifestyle using terms like disgusting or evil, which made him question why God would make him that way and fear facing the fate of victims like Matthew Shepard in the 1998 year when he was brutally murdered in Laramie, Wyoming.

Outcast teenagers can find safe havens and build self-confidence through creative, niche extracurricular activities rather than traditional social tracks. Programs that reward creativity, technical skill, and performance allow unconventional students to experience success, earn recognition, and build lasting peer connections away from mainstream school hierarchies.

Chasten participated heavily in community theater, bowling teams, and Odyssey of the Mind, a creative problem-solving competition where his team built their own sets and costumes and advanced all the way to the World Finals in Ames, Iowa. The team competed against 35 total teams competing at the World Finals where Chasten's team placed fourteenth within the 8 minutes required time limit for Odyssey of the Mind performance skits.

Constant engagement with social media platforms can distort self-worth and trigger endless cycles of unhealthy comparison. Digital platforms and constant connectivity pull individuals into black holes of doomscrolling and exposure to curated highlights or hostile debates, making it vital to monitor where energy is invested.

• Pay attention to what you pay attention to by being aware of where you invest your energy and attention online.
• Check in periodically by asking yourself if following certain accounts or spending time on platforms is helping or hurting your well-being.

4. The German Immersion

Applying for competitive, all-expenses-paid scholarship programs can provide a vital escape route and foster independence for teenagers stuck in restrictive small-town environments. You can discover opportunities that transport you far away from familiar social pressures.

Participating in an international exchange program strips away familiar safety nets, forcing rapid adaptation and acceptance of suppressed identity.

The Congress-Bundestag Youth Exchange or CBYX program is a joint effort between American and German governments that acts as a scholarship to send high school students abroad to live with host families and act as citizen ambassadors. Only 100 kids are selected to go through the CBYX program each year.

Chasten secretly forged his father's signature on the application after learning about the program from his German teacher, Frau LaBonte, ultimately getting selected from a waitlist to spend a year in Germany.

The CBYX Scholarship

Immersing oneself in a foreign environment forces rapid adaptation and strips away familiar safety nets, accelerating personal growth. Moving across the world requires navigating heavy language barriers, strange cultural customs, and frequent lifestyle adjustments without the immediate support of family or lifelong friends.

After a week of orientation in Washington, D.C., where Chasten met Senator Debbie Stabenow, he flew 4,000 miles on a United Airlines 777 to Frankfurt and took his first-ever train ride to Zerbst.

Cultural immersion introduces unexpected customs that challenge personal boundaries and force a rapid reevaluation of comfort zones. Germans maintain different social norms regarding privacy, public spaces, and bodily autonomy, such as practicing Freikörperkultur, which can shock exchange students accustomed to American prudishness.

Chasten's new host family shocked him on their first day by stripping completely naked to go swimming in a local lake, leading him to hide and put on a swimsuit while they ate dry cake in towels.

Confronting Identity Abroad

Navigating multiple housing changes in a foreign country builds resilience while introducing significant emotional instability. Host families change for various reasons, ranging from substance issues to personal changes, forcing the exchange student to repeatedly adapt to new schools, rules, and parental expectations.

Chasten ended up living with 6 host families throughout his exchange year, experiencing painful rejections before finally finding stability with his last set of parents, Mutti and Vati.

Geographic relocation cannot mask internal truths; escaping to a new country ultimately forces an individual to confront their suppressed identity and fears. Despite trying to maintain a conventional life by dating an American girl in the program, Chasten experienced undeniable romantic and physical attraction to a male fellow exchange student, shattering his doubts.

During a hostel gathering, another exchange student slapped Chasten's knee while laughing at a joke, triggering a wave of emotional realization and leading to a nervous first kiss.

Direct, empathetic friendship provides the psychological safety net necessary to accept one's true identity without shame. Supportive peers who listen actively without judgment help unpack internalized fears, reframing heavy emotional burdens as natural traits rather than catastrophic flaws.

His German friend Franzi advocated for him to find a stable final host family and matter-of-factly told him that being gay was completely normal, prompting an immense psychological release.

Resourcefulness and low-cost travel options enable profound personal exploration and expand a young person's worldview. Budget airlines and regional transit options allow students in Europe to independently explore major cultural capitals and historic sites on minimal funds.

Chasten used ultra-low-cost carriers like Ryanair to fly to Ireland for 20 dollars round trip, and took budget trips to Paris and the United Kingdom.

5. Running and Higher Education

Coming out in rural and conservative areas often feels like a dangerous trap. Fear of rejection or violence pushes you further into the closet. Powerful figures and politicians weaponize LGBTQ+ people for attention, making open expression unsafe.

Internalized homophobia and financial struggles during college create psychological turmoil, which is eventually lifted by finding supportive university theater communities.

During Peter Buttigieg's presidential campaign, Chasten met older couples who drove for hours to attend events for safety yet remained too afraid to come out in their home towns. Coming out remains a deeply personal choice. You are never obligated to disclose your identity on someone else's timeline.

Internalized homophobia can cause you to flee your home out of shame. Chasten left a coming-out letter, packed his black-and-red backpack, and left a note for his mother. He spent months struggling with sleepless nights and sleeping in the back seat of his Saturn Ion before his mother called him back home.

The Coming Out Trap

• Decide if, how, and when you want to come out to other people.
• Remember that you do not owe anyone your coming-out story.

Higher education costs 150 percent more today compared to when your parents attended. Students must rely heavily on student loans while juggling full-time jobs. Textbooks and supplies can easily cost 500 dollars. Chasten took out student loans at community college and faced immense stress, failing a semester at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee while trying to pay for housing without proper guidance.

University Theater Sanctuary

Finding an inclusive community provides a vital safe space that fosters personal healing. Chasten transferred to the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire to study theater and discovered an accepting cohort. He joined the UWEC Players, found mentorship under Dr. Chapman, lived in the greenroom, and played major roles such as Louis in Tony Kushner's Angels in America.

Reflecting on his chaotic journey across three different schools, Chasten wished he had waited until he was emotionally ready.

• Take a year off after high school.
• Study abroad, work a job to save up money, or learn a trade.
• Do something that aligns with your passions or pushes you outside your comfort zone before starting college.

6. Campaign Life and Partnership

Navigating high-stakes national politics and public hostility requires composure and a partnership rooted in shared values of public service. You can face intense opposition by focusing on the mission rather than the hostility.

Facing public hostility requires maintaining composure and remembering your core purpose rather than reacting to provocations.

While arriving at a campaign stop, a man lunged close and spat in Chasten's face, but after quickly cleaning up in private, Chasten entered the venue and greeted anxious supporters with a cheerful smile.

Chasten met Pete while substitute teaching and living in Chicago, while Pete was traveling for the Navy Reserves. On their early dates in coffee shops and Thai restaurants, Pete impressed Chasten by switching between French and Arabic and asking genuine questions about Chasten's teaching career.

The Sublime and Ridiculous

Meaningful life experiences and deep love encompass a constant duality between high-stakes achievements and mundane, everyday realities. On their wedding day, the pastor described how love lives between art and science, and between high callings and washing dishes.

Chasten and Pete experienced dining in the White House and representing the United States on international presidential delegations, alongside coming home to buy paper towels at Target or dealing with squirrels in the nursery. In 2018, Chasten and Pete were married.

There is no single formula or strict deadline for success, and unconventional, bumpy paths often build the strongest resilience. A ninth-grade teacher told Chasten to aim lower when he expressed interest in marine biology, and later in college he felt like Wile E. Coyote chasing the Road Runner off a cliff after receiving his degree.

10 Key Ideas

1. Early media representation like Will & Grace and Ellen DeGeneres provided a vital lifeline and glimpse of hope for isolated youth growing up in Northern Michigan.
2. You can neutralize verbal insults by asking someone to explain their harmful remark and exposing how weak or silly their point is.
3. Taking on multiple jobs and projects provides teenagers with financial independence and purpose while building a strong work ethic.
4. Applying for competitive scholarship programs like the Congress-Bundestag Youth Exchange acts as a vital escape route for teenagers stuck in restrictive small-town environments.
5. Coming out is a deeply personal choice, and you are never obligated to disclose your identity on someone else's timeline.
6. Transferring to a supportive university and joining an inclusive theater cohort provides a vital safe space that fosters personal healing.
7. Facing public hostility on the campaign trail requires maintaining composure and remembering your core purpose rather than reacting to provocations.
8. Unconventional, bumpy paths often build the strongest resilience because there is no single strict deadline for success.
9. Meaningful life experiences encompass a constant duality between high-stakes achievements like visiting the White House and mundane everyday realities like buying paper towels.
10. Embracing your authentic identity transforms personal struggles into a foundation for public service and resilience.