Book summary “Class with the countess”: summary

Introduction

You often feel uncertain when navigating upscale social venues, formal dinners, or unfamiliar cultural protocols. Worrying about your wardrobe, table manners, or conversational skills can hold you back from making a lasting impression.

Luann de Lesseps argues that class is not an exclusive birthright tied to wealth or pedigree. True elegance stems from confidence, flawless social graces, and an everyday attitude of seduction.

The book provides a complete blueprint for refining your personal presence across eight distinct domains. You will learn how to master physical carriage, build a versatile wardrobe, navigate high-society events, and host memorable gatherings with ease.

• How do you project natural elegance and confidence in any room?
• What are the precise rules for formal dining and international protocols?
• How can you maintain an attitude of seduction in daily life?

1. Fitting In Anywhere

Class is an attitude rooted in confidence, ease, and making others comfortable, independent of wealth or background.

Roland Nadeau grew up poor in Canada as one of twelve children with Native American roots. Alexandre Count de Lesseps descends from French diplomacy royalty. Despite completely different backgrounds, both men possessed natural elegance, dignity, and class. Alexandre's ancestor Ferdinand de Lesseps built the Suez Canal and formally presented the Statue of Liberty to the United States in 1886.

When natural confidence is lacking, you can adopt specific mental frameworks. You do not need to let fear hold you back.

• Remember: No one is perfect.
• Be thankful for what you have.
• Don’t take yourself too seriously.
• Remind yourself that people are too concerned with their own shortcomings to notice yours.
• Set achievable goals.
• Be prepared.
• Learn to silence your negative self-talk.
• Rely on the advice of a mentor.
• Help others.
• Get active.
• Smile.

Being interested in the world is the antidote to a lack of confidence. As a teenager, Luann worked in a rest home and spent hours talking with eighty-six-year-old Beatrice, who shared wisdom about dating and boys.

Taking unexpected chances opens doors into new worlds. Luann competed against forty girls in the Lady Universe pageant in Cortina d'Ampezzo, won the title, and met Italian wine dynasty owner Dottore Roberto Gancia and television producer Johnny Manginelli. A Hartford modeling competition previously awarded her a photo shoot in New York City valued at five hundred dollars.

Avoiding rigidity prevents personal stagnation and keeps you adaptable. Luann participated in the Princess Race, a sports rally involving kayaking, Jet Skiing, surfing, and skydiving to raise money for Innocence in Danger.

Maintaining a sense of humor during embarrassing moments is essential. While heading out in London with Princess Hohenlohe, John Galliano, and Faycal Amor, both heels of Luann's borrowed high-heeled boots broke simultaneously. She slid down the Barclay Hotel's marble staircase on her back and responded by bursting into laughter.

In unfamiliar environments, closely observing role models serves as a reliable guide. Lacking sophistication during early days in Milan, Luann sat in cafés observing how Italians dressed, moved, gestured, and greeted one another.

Generosity of spirit puts personal troubles into perspective. Luann engaged in mentoring teenagers through the Boys & Girls Club of Brooklyn, helped former drug addicts prepare for job interviews through the ACE Program for the Homeless, and supported the American Cancer Society. Her husband lost the hearing in his left ear about five years ago, reminding her of the fragility of health.

2. On Elegance

Physical carriage, grooming, and mindful daily habits create an enduring impression of chic sophistication.

Carrying yourself with an erect spine and a light, bouncing step projects optimism and physical elegance. Throw your shoulders back and smile. Glide when you walk, looking straight ahead with a light bounce in your step. Lower yourself gently into a chair without collapsing into it. Take deep breaths and smile if your body tenses up in a social situation.

As a beauty contestant in the Miss Connecticut pageant, you might learn various tricks about sitting and walking with grace. High heels enhance silhouette and posture, but walking in them requires proper balance and technique. Good shoes are an essential investment for comfort and balance. Put one foot in front of the other as if walking on a straight line. Do not look at your feet; scan the terrain ahead. Do not pitch forward to compensate. Keep your back straight, stomach in, and chin up. Take a normal-length stride.

Elegance requires avoiding certain nervous and unpolished habits in public.

The author outlines twelve visible behaviors that betray a lack of ease or grace, such as chewing gum, speaking loudly, displaying nervous habits, or applying makeup in public.

• Exposing the sole of a shoe when crossing legs for all to see.
• Yawning—try to stifle a yawn whenever possible, but always cover your mouth in public.
• Chewing gum—to keep your mouth fresh, carry mints.
• Speaking loudly—speaking softly instead will draw people closer and won’t be inconsiderate.
• Displaying nervous habits (biting nails, cracking knuckles, leg or foot jiggling)—avoid gestures that reveal a lack of ease.
• Staring—glancing works better.
• Pointing—never make someone else feel self-conscious.
• Losing their temper—take three deep breaths.
• Applying makeup in public—please, go to the ladies’ room. But a quick check in the compact for lipstick is okay.
• Combing or brushing hair in public—never!
• Being negative—being a pessimist is unattractive and brings everyone down.
• Putting on airs—a gracious person is never pretentious or snobbish.

Head-to-toe grooming requires daily maintenance and attention to basic hygiene details. Hair should be clean, shining, and neat. Eyebrows must be well shaped without stray hairs. Skin should be clear and healthy, and teeth white with sweet breath. Makeup should remain subtle and well blended. Hands and nails require careful upkeep, and clothing must be clean, pressed, and spot-free.

3. There Is Always an Excuse to Shop

Simplicity, quality essentials, and smart shopping strategies eliminate wardrobe stress and elevate personal style.

You should be able to pull together a polished look for any occasion in 15 minutes or less by relying on a core wardrobe. Having fewer items of higher quality creates a more manageable lifestyle. Some clothes remain elegant and wearable after 10 years or more.

• Go for clean lines, fine fabrics, and the best fit you can find.
• Find a good tailor who can make alterations like taking up a hem, shortening sleeves, or removing shoulder pads.

Princess Hohenlohe brought the author to Avenue George V where Hubert de Givenchy personally let them into his stately home and dressed them in high-end gowns for the opera.

Every well-dressed woman needs a core set of multi-functional essentials.

• A pair of great jeans, preferably dark.
• A white, long- or three-quarter-sleeved, tailored shirt in cotton with spandex.
• T-shirts to mix under staple jackets.
• A pair of black cigarette pants or gray slacks.
• A black pencil skirt or A-line skirt.
• A black dress, such as a sleeveless sheath.
• A wrap dress that works anywhere.
• A chic long dress for charity events.
• A vest in cashmere, wool knit, or tailored fabric.
• A blazer, preferably in cognac.
• A sweater set in a flattering color.
• High heels that do not cripple you.
• Ballet flats for a casual look.
• Boots that last forever with good care.
• A trench coat.
• An outerwear jacket between a biker jacket and a blazer.
• A three-quarter-length coat.
• A dress coat for longer hemlines.
• A shawl, pashmina scarf, or silk scarf.
• An everyday handbag in basic black or an eye-catching color.
• An evening bag, preferably in metallics.
• A good watch to cut down on checking cell phones.

Accessories act as paint on a blank canvas, allowing you to update classics and define personal style.

• Store accessories in pretty baskets, decorative hooks, or tie racks on eye-level walls.
• Use an earring rack on a closet door or dresser.
• Store scarves in clear plastic bins on a closet shelf or under the bed.

The author witnessed someone wearing Bermuda shorts and flip-flops to a costly theater play in the summer.

• Aim for casual elegance by throwing on a blazer over jeans.
• Dress up rather than down when in doubt about an event's dress code.

There are 12 distinct fashion faux pas to avoid.

• Take one piece of jewelry off before leaving home following Coco Chanel's advice.
• Avoid coordinating outfits too closely or wearing the same designer head-to-toe.
• Stay away from shoes in lurid colors or excessive jeweled ornaments.
• Ensure clothing is not too tight or uncomfortable.
• Choose longer hemlines as you age.
• Use a tanning cream like Clarins to combat Pale-Leg Syndrome.
• Avoid wearing leggings unless your legs are toned, or wear a tunic over them.
• Wear three-quarter or full sleeves if upper arms have lost tone.
• Never wear sweatpants.
• Avoid visible panty lines by using thongs, seamless panties, or body-shapers like Spanx.
• Wear low-rise thongs or panties with low-rise pants.
• Leave big daytime purses at home in the evening and use a small clutch.

The author held an impromptu TJ Maxx party in the Hamptons where friends had 1 hour and 50 dollars each to assemble a stunning outfit.

• Search through discount racks at stores like Loehmann's, TJ Maxx, Marshalls, Annie Sez, Daffy's, Century 21, and H&M.
• Follow the motto when in doubt: duck, and trust yourself or a good girlfriend.

• Go through closets and drawers at the end of every season with an honest and dear friend.
• Pull out unworn pieces into a maybe pile and discard them if untouched by the following year.
• Pack up clothes to give away to charity or someone who can enjoy them.

Princess Hohenlohe taught the author to roll up dresses and pack them tightly inside plastic grocery bags.

• Wear your bulkiest items like blazers and boots as your travel outfit.
• Pack T-shirts, a tailored cotton shirt, jeans, a light sweater, a blazer or leather jacket, a versatile dress, a skirt, accessories, ballet flats, dress shoes, boots or flip-flops, and multi-use PJs.
• Roll up dresses and place them inside plastic grocery bags, packing the bags tightly in luggage to prevent wrinkles.

4. A Charmed Life

Mastering entrances, international protocols, conversation arts, and technology boundaries ensures smooth social navigation.

Princess Hohenlohe was known as a people magnet who always made a grand entrance and was welcomed everywhere with great style. You should never leave the house without thinking you might be making an entrance.

• Never leave the house without thinking you might be making an entrance.
• Pull yourself together before you enter a restaurant or a party, whatever the size.
• Fix your hair, check your makeup, and smooth out your clothes.
• Pull your shoulders back and enter standing straight and tall. Don't fumble with your purse, adjust your clothes, or look down.
• Smile and pause for just a moment. Take a deep breath to bring light into your eyes.
• Let your eyes sweep the room and make eye contact when possible.
• Enter the room in a purposeful way if no one greets you immediately.
• At a restaurant, nod and smile at anyone you recognize along the way.
• At a cocktail party, head for someone you know or approach someone with your hand out.

Women perform a small curtsy and men bow from the neck, though this is not compulsory. If a king or queen extends a hand, touch it briefly instead of giving a full handshake. Address them as Your Majesty, followed by ma'am or sir. Never wear gloves in the presence of a king or queen. Never continue to eat if a king or queen has stopped. Do not kiss the royal hand, put your arm around royalty, or turn your back on them.

Look at the person to whom you are making the introduction, then turn to the person you are presenting. Give a line or two about what the introduced people have in common. Address a group first when introducing a single person. Ask for a person's name again if you missed it to avoid later embarrassment.

Offer your hand to Germans and British people, leaning in for a kiss only if expected. Expect Italians to offer a handshake or hug, and always kiss women. Use one kiss as the standard greeting in the United States. Start with at least two kisses beginning on the left cheek in France. Start with three kisses beginning on the left in Switzerland. Expect effusive kisses and hugs from Spaniards. Make a quick bow to Asians, though business people accept handshakes. Arabs will kiss only a person of the same sex for greetings.

Keep all electronic devices out of sight on the table when arriving at a restaurant. Turn your phone off or switch to vibrate in quiet places and meetings. Do not give precedence to calls over the people you are with physically. Avoid making serial calls or long calls on public transportation. Refrain from making calls in elevators and use text messaging instead. Do not hold a phone or text-message while driving. Keep work e-mails brief and return them in a day or two; return social e-mails within a week.

The author shares how her father-in-law, a count, was appalled by the concept of taking home a doggie bag for leftover lobster until he experienced it reinvented as lunch. Check coats, umbrellas, and large bags when entering a restaurant rather than bringing them to the table. Keep purses on your lap or the floor instead of the table. Get the attention of a server quietly rather than shouting or snapping fingers. Close the menu and put it down in front of you to signal you are ready to order. Hold a wine glass by the stem, swirl, and smell to check if the wine is corked. Arrange who is paying in advance or settle the bill discreetly to avoid table tug-of-wars.

Wear socks to avoid walking barefoot through airport security. Make sure every checked bag has an identification tag and remove old airport tags. Take off your belt for security to avoid being frisked. Carry bags in front of you to avoid hitting seated passengers. Let the person behind you know before you recline your seat. Bring your own food on flights, avoiding items with strong odors. Always carry a card from your hotel when exploring a foreign country if you do not speak the language.

The author recounts using an opening line about stopping the world to Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi backstage at an Italian awards show while impersonating Sharon Stone, which landed her a cohosting job. Avoid starting conversations by asking what someone does for a living. Look the other person in the eye without scanning the room over their shoulder. Keep contributions short and crisp, avoiding long stories and fillers like um and you know. Accept compliments with a warm thank-you rather than dismissing them. Use white lies and diplomacy to answer awkward questions without hurting feelings. Smile, use your hand, and offer a graceful excuse when you want to end a boring conversation.

5. You Never Know What Can Happen at Dinner

Formal dining requires precise navigation of table settings, utensils, napkins, and toasting protocols.

• Use silverware from the outside in.
• Use a fork when food is on a plate and a spoon when it is in a bowl.
• Keep your butter plate on your left and your water goblet on your right.

• Wait for the hostess to put her napkin in her lap once seated.
• Unfold the napkin, then fold it in half with the fold against your body.
• Place the napkin ring at the top left of your place setting if one is used.
• Leave your napkin on your chair if you excuse yourself during the meal.
• Dab at your lips with a corner of the napkin during the meal.
• Place the napkin on the left side of your plate, unfolded, when you have finished.

In American zigzag eating, the diner shifts the fork from the left hand to the right hand after cutting food with the knife. In the Continental style, the fork remains in the left hand and the knife in the right hand throughout the entire meal, avoiding constant switching.

• Hold your fork in your left hand with tines down and knife in your right hand for the Continental style.
• Keep the knife low to the plate between cuts without resting it on the plate in the Continental style.

The author taught a friend visiting Europe how to hold a fork like a pencil and use the European knife and fork style to prevent him from embarrassing himself.

• Offer the bread basket first to the person on your left, then help yourself and pass it to your right.
• Take an entire piece of bread and place it on your butter plate.
• Put butter on your butter plate rather than directly onto the bread.
• Break off a bite-size piece of bread and never cut a roll with a knife.
• Butter each piece as you eat one.

Put your knife and fork in the resting position between bites or when raising your napkin to your lips. Place your knife and fork in the finished position when you are done eating to signal the server.

• Wait to drink wine at a dinner table to see if a toast will be given.
• Ensure all glasses are filled before making a toast.
• Raise your glass without clicking if you are toasting with water in Europe.
• Look into the other person's eyes when clicking glasses.

Jean-Claude Sauer, a war photographer for Paris Match, made a memorable toast at his hunting lodge: "Go where you like, because you will die where you're supposed to."

• Keep salt and pepper together and pass them together.
• Spoon gravy directly onto meat, potatoes, or rice.
• Put condiments like mustard and ketchup on the dinner plate alongside the food.
• Place radishes, olives, and nuts on your bread plate or the edge of your dinner plate.
• Always pass bowls and platters to your right.
• Hold a cocktail napkin under hors d'oeuvres served with dipping sauces.
• Ask for help immediately if you spill red wine on a white carpet.

Jean-Claude Sauer hosted the author at his hunting lodge in the French countryside.

6. A Full Calendar

Successful entertaining and gracious guest behavior depend on reciprocal effort, careful planning, and atmospheric details.

Entertaining is a reciprocal relationship where the efforts of a fine hostess inspire guests to be eager to reciprocate. Being a guest requires effort and is not a free ride. A thoughtful host plans every detail to make guests feel welcome and relaxed.

The author reminisces about entertaining in Gstaad at a chalet filled with antiques, Louis XV furniture, and Meissen porcelain.

Hiring support staff for parties allows you to remain relaxed, enjoy the event, and avoid running ragged. Having servers, coat-check attendants, and bartenders keeps the flow smooth and prevents guests from clustering around food and bar tables.

• Make sure to reserve the date and the time well in advance.
• Agree on the payment, such as an hourly rate of twenty to twenty-five dollars an hour.
• Determine what the help will cost when commissioning food from a caterer or cook.
• Decide what you want done for you and what you want to do yourself.
• Discuss appropriate work attire like dark slacks or skirt and a light shirt.
• Make sure helpers arrive an hour before guests to review expectations and layout.
• Do not expect reimbursement or docked wages if a helper breaks something.
• Tip generously if you are happy with the service.

Creating the right ambience involves flattering low lighting, un-scented candles in dining areas, background music, and well-prepared powder rooms. Music should transition from soft to festive, and coasters should be avoided in favor of cocktail napkins.

Cocktail parties require active hosting, including greeting guests at the door, making introductions, and keeping drinks and small bites circulating. Serving a signature cocktail makes the event feel festive.

Strategic seating arrangement is a major factor in the success of a dinner party, balancing conversation and placing honored guests correctly. Eight is considered the perfect number for an intimate dinner party allowing a single conversation, and fifteen minutes is the maximum acceptable lateness for a structured dinner party.

Hosting overnight guests requires clear communication regarding household schedules, amenities, and mutual respect for space. You should adapt to the host's routine, help with light chores, and respect private time.

Being an easy guest who follows social etiquette guarantees subsequent invitations and smooth social interactions.

The author shares a story of a guest bringing an uninvited dog that unfortunately got into a hamster's cage, leading to a beach burial and a replacement pet.

• Respond to the invitation no later than a week or by the RSVP date.
• Arrive on time, calling if more than fifteen minutes late to a small gathering.
• Cancel only in the event of an unavoidable emergency.
• Do not bring an uninvited guest, child, or pet.
• Do not go to a party sick.
• Make an effort to dress well and bring a hostess gift.
• Find the host and hostess first upon arrival.
• Do not go into the kitchen unless invited.
• Socialize with everyone and participate enthusiastically in activities.
• Do not change place cards or seating arrangements.
• Do not open closed doors or take unguided tours.
• Offer to help the hostess during the party or cleanup.
• Thank the hostess before leaving and follow up the next day with a call, note, or flowers.

7. Bringing Up Baby

Children learn civility and grace through consistent parental role modeling, clear boundaries, and polite habits.

You teach children good behavior primarily by observing your actions. Telling children to behave differently than you act does not work because children learn by osmosis. You must demonstrate politeness toward each other and maintain steady rules rather than backing down during tantrums.

Your son Noel always tried to push boundaries at bedtime by asking for five more minutes and waking up promptly at six in the morning, requiring a firm return to routine.

Experiencing minor faux pas in sophisticated environments helps children learn that nobody is perfect and mistakes do not halt the world. When children make accidental messes in public, a calm and lighthearted response from adults prevents panic and teaches them how to gracefully recover.

When twelve-year-old Victoria spilled couscous at a lunch with a Broadway producer in Florida, the hostess covered the mess with her napkin and said it happens to her all the time, completely averting awkwardness.

Early mastery of basic courtesy words and the sincere use of apologies establish the foundation of mutual respect. You quickly learn that expressing basic politeness delights people and helps children get what they want. Meanwhile, teaching a sincere apology instills an understanding of right versus wrong.

• Teach children the words please, thank you, you're welcome, and excuse me as soon as they begin to talk.

Assigning household chores builds character and prepares children for real life, especially when reinforced through gamified reward systems. You should share household responsibilities and respect the order of the house. Making chores a game with visual reward trackers helps children willingly embrace a routine.

Victoria and Noel had chore charts and pebble jars where a pebble was dropped for every completed task or good deed, leading to a prize when reaching a marked level.

• Keep a chore chart to check off completed tasks.
• Use a pebble jar to drop a pebble for every chore or deserving action.
• Give a prize when the pebbles reach a marked level.

Play dates require clear boundaries to ensure visiting children act respectfully and clean up after themselves. Visiting children must learn not to treat a host home too casually by roaming bedrooms or helping themselves to the refrigerator without asking.

• Say hello to the adult in charge.
• Do not help yourself to the fridge or cupboards.
• Don't wander about into bedrooms.
• Politely ask for a drink or a snack.
• Help to clean up.
• Say good-bye and thank you.

Writing thank-you notes teaches children to acknowledge kindness and appreciate the effort behind gifts and outings. Getting children to write notes early makes correspondence a natural habit rather than an alien form. Personalizing the note makes it more meaningful.

• Keep a stack of cards available to make writing easy.
• Have children sign their own names, even with an X or scribble, on family gifts.
• Teach children to personalize notes by mentioning specific details about the gift.

Children must be trained in basic telephone etiquette and adhere to respectful communication hours. Answering the house phone properly protects privacy, and teaching adolescents to take messages without shouting or causing disruption prevents embarrassment.

• Answer the house phone with a simple Hello.
• Ask May I tell her who’s calling? if the caller asks for someone else.
• Cover the mouthpiece or put calls on hold instead of stomping around.
• Refuse friend calls before 9:00 A.M. or after 9:00 P.M.

Equipping children with clever one-liners and acting techniques helps them defuse teasing, whispering, and bullying. Children can be cruel and instinctively target sensitive peers. Teaching kids to act like actors, smile, and use prepared verbal responses prevents them from wearing their hearts on their sleeves.

• Act extremely happy and smile.
• Laugh and say That’s so funny! then turn around and walk away.
• Use dismissive one-liners such as Why don’t you waste someone else’s time? or Don’t you have anything better to do?

8. The Sizzle

Approaching life and romance as a continuous seduction keeps relationships magnetic and deeply engaging.

You should approach life as a continuous seduction to win people over and add spice to daily interactions. Seduction applies to everyone from wait staff to salespeople, making every encounter special through charm and allure. Embrace your femininity and sex appeal rather than acting like men, because men are visual creatures who respond to softness and grace.

The author shared an apartment in Milan with Julie, a model who was Miss Hawaiian Tropic and possessed incredible sex appeal, drawing instant attention from men on the street.

• Wear clothing that reveals you are a woman like flirty skirts and high heels.
• Maintain a soft, low, provocative voice.
• Move with a swing in your step and a come-follow-me attitude.

Subtle physical and behavioral gestures can provoke a man's interest without appearing aggressive or overly forward. You can use specific nonverbal cues to draw attention, signal availability without desperation, and keep a man intrigued.

• Look into his eyes a few beats longer using the gaze.
• Wear a Mona Lisa smile that can grow into a radiant one.
• Be affectionate to yourself by caressing your arm or shoulder.
• Reveal different angles by throwing back your head when you laugh or twisting in your chair.
• Play with your hair or tuck it behind your ear.
• Laugh at his jokes without overdoing it.
• Keep up light and playful banter.
• Touch his arm lightly, using only the briefest of touches above the belt.
• Remain a bit elusive and mysterious without telling your life story at once.

To meet a quality man, you must go where men naturally gather and treat the world like a fishing pond. Staying home yields no results, so you should frequent specific environments or consider careers that naturally introduce you to single men.

A friend of the author became an urban real estate broker after a divorce and met many well-heeled men looking for housing after their own divorces, eventually meeting the right man.

• Go to cigar bars with an escort.
• Mingle in the produce section of supermarkets.
• Visit tech shops to play the damsel in distress.
• Hang out in upscale men's stores and discuss ties.
• Join tennis clubs as a threesome to make a foursome.
• Browse bookstores in sections you are interested in.
• Visit museums and art gallery openings for cultivated types.
• Travel in business or first class on long plane trips.

10 Key Ideas

1. True elegance stems from an attitude of confidence, ease, and making others comfortable, independent of wealth or background.
2. Carrying yourself with an erect spine, a light bounce in your step, and proper posture creates an enduring impression of chic sophistication.
3. Building a core wardrobe of simplicity, quality essentials, and smart shopping strategies eliminates wardrobe stress and elevates personal style.
4. Mastering grand entrances, international protocols, conversation arts, and technology boundaries ensures smooth and polished social navigation.
5. Formal dining requires precise navigation of table settings, utensils, napkins, and toasting protocols to demonstrate social grace.
6. Successful entertaining and gracious guest behavior depend on reciprocal effort, careful planning, and thoughtful atmospheric details.
7. Children learn civility, grace, and politeness through consistent parental role modeling, clear boundaries, and polite habits.
8. Approaching life and romance as a continuous seduction keeps relationships magnetic, charming, and deeply engaging.
9. Maintaining a sense of humor during embarrassing moments and engaging in generosity of spirit puts personal troubles into perspective.
10. Avoiding rigidity prevents personal stagnation while embracing unexpected chances opens doors into new and refined worlds.