«Зритель (The Spectator)»

'At my first going to Court, one of the great Men almost put me out of Countenance, by asking ten thousand Pardons of me for only treading by Accident upon my Toe. They call this kind of Lye a Compliment; for when they are Civil to a great Man, they tell him Untruths, for which thou wouldst order any of thy Officers of State to receive a hundred Blows upon his Foot. I do not know how I shall negociate any thing with this People, since there is so little Credit to be given to 'em. When I go to see the King's Scribe, I am generally told that he is not at home, tho' perhaps I saw him go into his House almost the very Moment before. Thou wouldest fancy that the whole Nation are Physicians, for the first Question they always ask me, is, how I do: I have this Question put to me above a hundred times a Day. Nay, they are not only thus inquisitive after my Health, but wish it in a more solemn Manner, with a full Glass in their Hands, every time I sit with them at Table, tho' at the same time they would perswade me to drink their Liquors in such Quantities as I have found by Experience will make me sick. They often pretend to pray for thy Health also in the same Manner; but I have more Reason to expect it from the Goodness of thy Constitution, than the Sincerity of their Wishes. May thy Slave escape in Safety from this doubled-tongued Race of Men, and live to lay himself once more at thy Feet in thy Royal City of Bantam.'

Footnote 1: Works

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Footnote 2:

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Contents

№ 558

Wednesday, June 23, 1714

Аддисон

Qui fit, Mæcenas, ut nemo, quam sibi sortem

Seu ratio dederit, seu fors objecerit, illa

Contentus vivat: laudet diversa sequentes?

O Fortunati mercatores, gravis annis

Miles ait, multo jam fractus membra labore!

Contra mercator, navim jactantibus austris,

Militia est potior. Quid enim? concurritur? horæ

Momenta cita mors venit, aut victoria læta.

Agricolam laudat juris legumque peritus,

Sub galli cantum consultor ubi ostia pulsat.

Ille, datis vadibus, qui rure extractus in urbem est,

Solos felices viventes clamat in urbe.

Cætera de genere hoc (adeo sunt multa) loquacem

Delassare valent Fabium. Ne te morer, audi

Quo rem deducam. Si quis Deus, en ego dicat,

Jam faciam quod vultis: eris tu, qui modo miles,

Mercator: tu consultus modo, rusticus. Hinc vos,

Vos hinc mutatis discedite partibus. Eja,

Quid statis? Nolint. Atque licet esse beatis.

Hor.

Socrates Horace

Jupiter

Fancy.

Phantome Spectator

Contents

№ 559

Friday, June 25, 1714

Аддисон

Quid causæ est, meritò quin illis Jupiter ambas

Iratus buccas inflet: neque se fore posthac

Tam facilem dicat, votis ut præbeat aurem?

Hor.

Jupiter

Fancy

Jupiter Jupiter: Patience.

Contents

№ 560

Monday, June 28, 1714

Аддисон

—Verba intermissa retentat.

Ov. Met.

dumb Tiresias Greece London Westminster.

From my Cell, June 24, 1714.

Sir ,

'Being informed that you have lately got the Use of your Tongue, I have some Thoughts of following your Example, that I may be a Fortune-teller properly speaking. I am grown weary of my Taciturnity, and having served my Country many Years under the Title of the dumb Doctor, I shall now prophesie by Word of Mouth, and (as Mr. Lee says of the Magpie, who you know was a great Fortune-teller among the Ancients) chatter Futurity. I have hitherto chosen to receive Questions and return Answers in Writing, that I might avoid the Tediousness and Trouble of Debates, my Querists being generally of a Humour to think, that they have never Predictions enough for their Mony. In short, Sir , my Case has been something like that of those discreet Animals the Monkeys, who, as the Indians tell us, can speak if they would, but purposely avoid it that they may not be made to work. I have hitherto gained a Livelyhood by holding my Tongue, but shall now open my Mouth in order to fill it. If I appear a little Word-bound in my first Solutions and Responses, I hope it will not be imputed to any Want of Foresight, but to the long Disuse of Speech. I doubt not by this Invention to have all my former Customers over again, for if I have promised any of them Lovers or Husbands, Riches or good Luck, it is my Design to confirm to them vivâ voce, what I have already given them under my Hand. If you will honour me with a Visit, I will compliment you with the first opening of my Mouth, and if you please you may make an entertaining Dialogue out of the Conversation of two dumb Men. Excuse this Trouble, worthy Sir , from one who has been a long time

Your Silent Admirer,

Cornelius Agrippa.'

Billet-doux

June 23, 1714.

Dear Mr. Prate-apace,

'I am a Member of a Female Society who call ourselves the Chit-Chat Club, and am ordered by the whole Sisterhood, to congratulate you upon the Use of your Tongue. We have all of us a mighty Mind to hear you talk, and if you will take your Place among us for an Evening, we have unanimously agreed to allow you one Minute in ten, without Interruption.

I am, Sir ,

Your Humble Servant,

S. T.

P. S. 'You may find us at my Lady Betty Clack's, who will leave Orders with her Porter, that if an elderly Gentleman, with a short Face, enquires for her, he shall be admitted and no Questions asked.

Oxford, June 25, 1714.

Sir ,

'We are here wonderfully pleased with the Opening of your Mouth, and very frequently open ours in Approbation of your Design; especially since we find you are resolved to preserve your Taciturnity as to all Party Matters. We do not question but you are as great an Orator as Sir Hudibras, of whom the Poet sweetly sings,

—He could not ope

His Mouth, but out there flew a Trope.

'If you will send us down the Half-dozen well-turned Periods, that produced such dismal Effects in your Muscles, we will deposite them near an old Manuscript of Tully's Orations, among the Archives of the University; for we all agree with you, that there is not a more remarkable Accident recorded in History, since that which happened to the Son of Croesus, nay, I believe you might have gone higher, and have added Balaam's Ass. We are impatient to see more of your Productions, and expect what Words will next fall from you, with as much attention as those, who were set to watch the speaking Head which Friar Bacon formerly erected in this Place.

We are,

Worthy Sir ,

Your most humble Servants,

B. R. T. D., &c.

Honest Spec.

Middle-Temple, June 24.

'I am very glad to hear that thou beginnest to prate; and find, by thy Yesterday's Vision, thou art so used to it, that thou canst not forbear talking in thy Sleep. Let me only advise thee to speak like other Men, for I am afraid thou wilt be very Queer, if thou dost not intend to use the Phrases in Fashion, as thou callest them in thy Second Paper. Hast thou a Mind to pass for a Bantamite, or to make us all Quakers? I do assure thee, Dear Spec, I am not Polished out of my Veracity, when I subscribe my self

Thy Constant Admirer,

and humble Servant,

Frank Townly.

Contents

№ 561

Wednesday, June 30, 1714

Аддисон

—Paulatim abolere Sichæum

Incipit, et vivo tentat prævertere amore

Jampridem resides animos desuetaque corda.

Virg.

Sir ,

'I am a tall, broad-shoulder'd, impudent, black Fellow, and, as I thought, every way qualified for a rich Widow: But, after having tried my Fortune for above three Years together, I have not been able to get one single Relict in the Mind. My first Attacks were generally successful, but always broke off as soon as they came to the Word Settlement. Though I have not improved my Fortune this way, I have my Experience, and have learnt several Secrets which may be of use to those unhappy Gentlemen, who are commonly distinguished by the Name of Widow-hunters, and who do not know that this Tribe of Women are, generally speaking, as much upon the Catch as themselves. I shall here communicate to you the Mysteries of a certain Female Cabal of this Order, who call themselves the Widow-Club. This Club consists of nine experienced Dames, who take their Places once a Week round a large oval Table.

Госпожа Президент — особа, которая уже избавилась от шести мужей и теперь полна решимости взять седьмого; она придерживается мнения, что в прикосновении седьмого мужа столько же добродетели, сколько и в прикосновении седьмого сына. Ее соратницы таковы:

Госпожа Снэпп, имеющая четыре вдовьих дохода от четырех разных супругов из четырех разных графств. В настоящее время она на пороге брака с жителем Мидлсекса, и говорят, что она стремится распространить свои владения на все графства Англии по эту сторону Трента.

Госпожа Медлар, которая после двух мужей и одного поклонника теперь замужем за пожилым джентльменом шестидесяти лет. После того как она отчиталась перед Клубом о неделе совместной жизни, ей по-прежнему позволено заседать в качестве вдовы, и она соответственно занимает свое место за столом.

Вдова Куик, вышедшая замуж через две недели после смерти своего последнего мужа. Ее траурное платье послужило ей уже трижды и до сих пор как новое.

Леди Кэтрин Суоллоу. Она овдовела в восемнадцать лет и с тех пор похоронила второго мужа и двух кучеров.

Леди Уоддл. Она вышла замуж в 15 лет за сэра Саймона Уоддла, рыцаря семидесяти двух лет, от которого родила близнецов через девять месяцев после его кончины. В 55 лет она вышла замуж за Джеймса Спиндла, эсквайра, юношу двадцати одного года, который не пережил медового месяца.

Дебора Конквест. Случай этой леди весьма примечателен. Она вдова сэра Сэмпсона Конквеста, некогда мирового судьи. Сэр Сэмпсон был семь футов ростом и два фута в ширину от плеча до плеча. Он был женат трижды, и все его жены умерли родами. Это привело в ужас весь женский пол, и никто из них не осмеливался связаться с сэром Сэмпсоном. Наконец, госпожа Дебора взялась за него и так ловко с ним управилась, что за три года благополучно отправила его на тот свет и измерила его длину на земле. Этот подвиг снискал ей такую репутацию в Клубе, что они приплюсовали три победы сэра Сэмпсона к ее собственным, приписав ей заслугу четвертого вдовства, и она занимает свое место соответственно.

Вдова Уайлдфайр, вдова мистера Джона Уайлдфайра, охотника на лис, который сломал шею, перепрыгивая через ворота в шесть перекладин. Она приняла его смерть так близко к сердцу, что, как полагали, это могло положить конец ее жизни, если бы она не отвлеклась от скорби, приняв ухаживания соседа-джентльмена, который начал волочиться за ней на втором месяце ее вдовства. Через две недели этот джентльмен был отвергнут ради молодого темплара, который владел ею шесть недель, пока его не вытеснил разорившийся офицер, который, в свою очередь, уступил место придворному. Придворный был таким же недолговечным фаворитом, как и его предшественники, но имел удовольствие видеть, как его сменила длинная череда любовников, следовавших за вдовой Уайлдфайр до 37 лет, после чего наступило десятилетнее затишье, когда Джону Фелту, галантерейщику, взбрело в голову влюбиться в нее, и, как полагают, он очень скоро ее увезет.

Последняя — миловидная госпожа Раннет, которая разбила сердце своего первого мужа, не достигнув и шестнадцати лет, в каковой момент она была принята в Клуб, но вскоре покинула его из-за второго, с которым так быстро разделалась, что вернулась на свое место менее чем через год. Эта молодая матрона считается самой многообещающей участницей общества и, вероятно, займет президентское кресло, прежде чем умрет.

'These Ladies, upon their first Institution, resolved to give the Pictures of their deceased Husbands to the Club-Room, but two of them bringing in their Dead at full Length, they cover'd all the Walls; Upon which they came to a second Resolution, that every Matron should give her own Picture, and set it round with her Husbands in Miniature.

As they have most of them the Misfortune to be troubled with the Cholick, they have a noble Celler of Cordials and strong Waters. When they grow Maudlin, they are very apt to commemorate their former Partners with a Tear. But ask them which of their Husbands they Condole, they are not able to tell you, and discover plainly that they do not Weep so much for the Loss of a Husband, as for the want of One.

'The principal Rule, by which the whole Society are to govern themselves is this, To cry up the Pleasures of a single Life upon all Occasions, in order to deter the rest of their Sex from Marriage, and engross the whole Male World to themselves.

'They are obliged, when any one makes Love to a Member of the Society, to communicate his Name, at which Time the whole Assembly sit upon his Reputation, Person, Fortune, and good Humour; and if they find him qualified for a Sister of the Club, they lay their Heads together how to make him sure. By this Means they are acquainted with all the Widow-hunters about Town, who often afford them great Diversion. There is an honest Irish Gentleman, it seems, who knows nothing of this Society, but at different times has made Love to the whole Club.

Their Conversation often turns upon their former Husbands, and it is very diverting to hear them relate their several Arts and Stratagems, with which they amused the Jealous, pacified the Chokrick, or wheedled the Good-natured Man, till at last, to use the Club Phrase, They sent him out of the House with his Heels foremost.

The Politicks, which are most cultivated by this Society of She-Machiavils, relate chiefly to these two Points: How to treat a Lover, and How to manage a Husband. As for the first Set of Artifices, they are too numerous to come within the Compass of your Paper, and shall therefore be reserved for a Second Letter.

The Management of a Husband is built upon the following Doctrines, which are Universally assented to by the whole Club. Not to give him his Head at first. Not to allow him too great Freedoms and Familiarities. Not to be treated by him like a raw Girl, but as a Woman that knows the World. Not to Lessen anything of her former Figure. To celebrate the Generosity, or any other Vertue, of a deceased Husband, which she would recommend to his Successor. To turn away all his old Friends and Servants, that she may have the Dear Man to her self. To make him disinherit the undutiful Children of any former Wife. Never to be thoroughly convinced of his Affection, till he has made over to her all his Goods and Chattels.

'After so long a Letter, I am, without more Ceremony,

Your Humble Servant, &c.

Contents

№ 562

Friday, July 2, 1714

Аддисон

—Præsens, absens ut sies.

Ter.

It is a hard and nice Subject for a Man to speak of himself, 1 it grates his own Heart to say anything of Disparagement, and the Reader's Ears to hear any thing of Praise from him.

Vanity.

Tully 'Does he think, says Brutus, that his Consulship deserves more Applause than my putting Cæsar to Death, because I am not perpetually talking of the Ides of March, as he is of the Nones of December?'

March, Brutus Caesar Cicero Cataline December

Port-Royal France Egotism

Wolsey, Ego et Rex meus, I and my King Montagne Gascon Virgil Julius Cæsar Montagne Scaliger La grande fadaise de Montague, qui a escrit, qu'il aimoit mieux le vin blanc—que diable a-t-on a faire de scavoir ce qu'il aime? For my Part, says Montague, I am a great Lover of your White Wines—What the Devil signifies it to the Publick, says Scaliger, whether he is a Lover of White Wines or of Red Wines?

—Id populus curat scilicet.

Jack Terence, Tuumne, obsecro te, hoc dictum erat? vetus credidi Oxford Cambridge

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Contents

№ 563

Monday, July 5, 1714

—Magni nominis Umbra—

Lucan.

Sir ,

'I am descended from the Ancient Family of the Blanks, a Name well known among all Men of Business. It is always read in those little white Spaces of Writing which want to be filled up, and which for that Reason are called blank Spaces, as of right appertaining to our Family: For I consider my self as the Lord of a Mannor, who lays his Claim to all Wastes or Spots of Ground that are unappropriated. I am a near Kinsman to John a Styles and John a Nokes; and they, I am told, came in with the Conquerour. I am mentioned oftner in both Houses of Parliament than any other Person in Great Britain. My Name is written, or more properly speaking, not written, thus, . I am one that can turn my Hand to every thing, and appear under any Shape whatsoever. I can make my self Man, Woman, or Child. I am sometimes metamorphosed into a Year of our Lord, a Day of the Month, or an Hour of the Day. I very often represent a Sum of Mony, and am generally the first Subsidy that is granted to the Crown. I have now and then supplied the Place of several Thousands of Land Soldiers, and have as frequently been employed in the Sea Service.

'Now, Sir , my Complaint is this, that I am only made use of to serve a Turn, being always discarded as soon as a proper Person is found out to fill up my Place.

'If you have ever been in the Play-house before the Curtain rises, you see most of the Front Boxes filled with Men of my Family, who forthwith turn out and resign their Stations upon the Appearance of those for whom they are retained.

'But the most illustrious Branch of the Blanks are those who are planted in high Posts, till such time as Persons of greater Consequence can be found out to supply them. One of these Blanks is equally qualified for all Offices; he can serve in time of Need for a Soldier, a Politician, a Lawyer, or what you please. I have known in my Time many a Brother Blank that has been born under a lucky Planet, heap up great Riches, and swell into a Man of Figure and Importance, before the Grandees of his Party could agree among themselves which of them should step into his Place. Nay, I have known a Blank continue so long in one of these vacant Posts, (for such it is to be reckoned all the Time a Blank is in it) that he has grown too formidable and dangerous to be removed.

'But to return to my self, since I am so very commodious a Person, and so very necessary in all well-regulated Governments, I deSir e you will take my Case into Consideration, that I may be no longer made a Tool of, and only employed to stop a Gap. Such Usage, without a Pun, makes me look very blank. For all which Reasons I humbly recommend my self to your Protection, and am

Your most obedient Servant,

'Blank.

'P. S. I herewith send you a Paper, drawn up by a Country Attorney employed by two Gentlemen, whose Names he was not acquainted with, and who did not think fit to let him into the Secret which they were transacting. I heard him call it a Blank Instrument, and read it after the following Manner. You may see by this single Instance of what Use I am to the busy World.

'I T. Blank, Esq., of Blank Town, in the County of Blank, do own my self indebted in the Sum of Blank, to Goodman Blank, for the Service he did me in procuring for me the Goods following, Blank: And I do hereby promise the said Blank to pay unto him the said Sum of Blank, on the Blank Day of the Month of Blank next ensuing, under the Penalty and Forfeiture of Blank.

Good Mr. SPECTATOR,

'I am married to a very honest Gentleman that is exceedingly good-natured, and at the same time very cholerick. There is no standing before him when he is in a Passion; but as soon as it is over he is the best-humour'd Creature in the World. When he is angry, he breaks all my China-Ware that chances to lie in his Way, and the next Morning sends me in twice as much as he broke the Day before. I may positively say, that he has broke me a Child's Fortune since we were first marry'd together.

'As soon as he begins to fret, down goes every thing that is within Reach of his Cane. I once prevailed upon him never to carry a Stick in his Hand, but this saved me nothing; for upon seeing me do something that did not please him, he kicked down a great Jarr, that cost him above Ten Pound but the Week before. I then laid the Fragments together in a Heap, and gave him his Cane again, deSir ing him that if he chanced to be in Anger, he would spend his Passion upon the China that was broke to his Hand: But the very next Day upon my giving a wrong Message to one of the Servants, he flew into such a Rage, that he swept down a Dozen Tea-Dishes, which, to my Misfortune, stood very convenient for a Side-Blow.

I then removed all my China into a Room which he never frequents; but I got nothing by this neither, for my Looking-Glasses immediately went to Rack.

'In short, Sir , whenever he is in a Passion he is angry at every thing that is brittle; and if on such Occasions he had nothing to vent his Rage upon, I do not know whether my Bones would be in Safety. Let me beg of you, Sir , to let me know whether there be any Cure for this unaccountable Distemper; or if not, that you will be pleased to publish this Letter: For my Husband having a great Veneration for your Writings, will by that means know you do not approve of his Conduct. I am,

Your most humble Servant, &c.

Contents

№ 564

Wednesday, July 7, 1714

—Adsit

Regula, peccatis quæ pœnas irroget æquas:

Ne Scutica dignum horribili sectere flagello.

Hor.

Xenophon's Cyrus Cyrus Panthea Abradatas Araspas Persian Cyrus Panthea Cyrus

Oh I am convinced that I hare two Souls. Love has taught me this Piece of Philosophy. If I had but one Soul, it could not at the same time pant after Virtue and Vice, wish and abhor the same thing. It is certain therefore we have two Souls: When the good Soul rules, I undertake noble and virtuous Actions; but when the bad Soul predominates, I am forced to do Evil. All I can say at present is, that I find my good Soul, encouraged by your Presence, has got the Better of my bad.

England It is better suffering a Mischief than an Inconvenience

Spartan Plutarch

Sparta Thebans Isadas Phœbidas Sir Plutarch

Spartans Ephori

Contents

№ 565

Friday, July 9, 1714

Аддисон

—Deum namque ire per omnes

Terrasque, tractusque maris, cœlumque profundum.

Virg.

Æther Galaxy Milton

David When I consider the Heavens the Work of thy Fingers, the Moon and the Stars which thou hast ordained; what is man that thou art mindful of him, and the son of man that thou regardest him!

Blank Huygenius

Sir Isaac Newton Sensorium Sensoriola Sensoriums

O that I knew where I might find him! says Job. Behold I go forward, but he is not there; and backward, but I cannot perceive him. On the left hand, where he does work, but I cannot behold him: he hideth himself on the right hand, that I cannot see him.

Contents

№ 566

Monday, July 12, 1714

Militia Species Amor est.

Ovid.

Sir

Mr. SPECTATOR,

'Tho' it may look somewhat perverse amidst the Arts of Peace, to talk too much of War, it is but Gratitude to pay the last Office to its Manes, since even Peace it self is, in some Measure, obliged to it for its Being.

'You have, in your former Papers, always recommended the Accomplished to the Favour of the Fair; and, I hope, you will allow me to represent some Part of a Military Life not altogether unnecessary to the forming a Gentleman. I need not tell you that in France, whose Fashions we have been formerly so fond of, almost every one derives his Pretences to Merit from the Sword; and that a Man has scarce the Face to make his Court to a Lady, without some Credentials from the Service to recommend him. As the Profession is very ancient, we have Reason to think some of the greatest Men, among the old Romans, derived many of their Virtues from it, their Commanders being frequently, in other Respects, some of the most shining Characters of the Age.

'The Army not only gives a Man Opportunities of exercising those two great Virtues Patience and Courage, but often produces them in Minds where they had scarce any Footing before. I must add, that it is one of the best Schools in the World to receive a general Notion of Mankind in, and a certain Freedom of Behaviour, which is not so easily acquired in any other Place. At the same Time I must own, that some Military Airs are pretty extraordinary, and that a Man who goes into the Army a Coxcomb will come out of it a Sort of Publick Nuisance: But a Man of Sense, or one who before had not been sufficiently used to a mixed Conversation, generally takes the true Turn. The Court has in all Ages been allowed to be the Standard of Good-breeding; and I believe there is not a juster Observation in Monsieur Rochefoucault, than that

A Man who has been bred up wholly to Business, can never get the Air of a Courtier at Court, but will immediately catch it in the Camp.

The Reason of this most certainly is, that the very Essence of Good-Breeding and Politeness consists in several Niceties, which are so minute that they escape his Observation, and he falls short of the Original he would copy after; but when he sees the same Things charged and aggravated to a Fault, he no sooner endeavours to come up to the Pattern which is set before him, than, though he stops somewhat short of that, he naturally rests where in reality he ought. I was two or three Days ago, mightily pleased with the Observation of an humourous Gentleman upon one of his Friends, who was in other Respects every way an accomplished Person, That he wanted nothing but a Dash of the Coxcomb in him; by which he understood a little of that Alertness and Unconcern in the common Actions of Life, which is usually so visible among Gentlemen of the Army, and which a Campaign or two would infallibly have given him.

'You will easily guess, Sir , by this my Panegyrick upon a Military Education, that I am my self a Soldier, and indeed I am so; I remember, within three Years after I had been in the Army, I was ordered into the Country a Recruiting. I had very particular Success in this Part of the Service, and was over and above assured, at my going away, that I might have taken a young Lady, who was the most considerable Fortune in the County, along with me. I preferred the Pursuit of Fame at that time to all other Considerations, and tho' I was not absolutely bent on a Wooden Leg, resolved at least to get a Scar or two for the good of Europe. I have at present as much as I deSir e of this Sort of Honour, and if you could recommend me effectually, should be well enough contented to pass the Remainder of my Days in the Arms of some dear kind Creature, and upon a pretty Estate in the Country: This, as I take it, would be following the Example of Lucius Cincinnatus, the old Roman Dictator, who at the End of a War left the Camp to follow the Plow. I am, Sir , with all imaginable Respect,

Your most Obedient,

Humble Servant,

Will. Warly.

Mr. SPECTATOR,

'I am an Half-pay Officer, and am at present with a Friend in the Country. Here is a rich Widow in the Neighbourhood, who has made Fools of all the Fox-hunters within fifty Miles of her. She declares she intends to marry, but has not yet been asked by the Man she could like. She usually admits her humble Admirers to an Audience or two, but, after she has once given them Denial will never see them more. I am assured by a Female Relation, that I shall have fair Play at her; but as my whole Success Depends on my first Approaches, I deSir e your Advice, whether I had best Storm or proceed by way of Sap.

I am, Sir , Yours, &c.

'P. S. I had forgot to tell you, that I have already carried one of her Outworks, that is, secured her Maid.

Mr. SPECTATOR,

'I have assisted in several Sieges in the Low-Countries, and being still willing to employ my Talents, as a Soldier and Engineer, lay down this Morning at Seven a Clock before the Door of an obstinate Female, who had for some time refused me Admittance. I made a Lodgment in an outer Parlour about Twelve: The Enemy retired to her Bed-Chamber, yet I still pursued, and about two a-Clock this Afternoon she thought fit to Capitulate. Her Demands are indeed somewhat high, in Relation to the Settlement of her Fortune. But being in Possession of the House, I intend to insist upon Carte-Blanche, and am in hopes, by keeping off all other Pretenders for the Space of twenty four Hours, to starve her into a Compliance. I beg your speedy Advice, and am,

Sir , Yours, Peter Push.

From my Camp in Red-Lion Square, Saturday 4, in the Afternoon.

Contents

№ 567

Wednesday, July 14, 1714

Аддисон

—Inceptus clamor frustratur hiantes.

Virg.

he M h T r 1

the Faction, Frenchman, Papist, Plunderer, Purchaser 2 Scribler, Lier, Rogue, Rascal, Knave, Villain

T—m Br—wn

four Engl—shm—n certain Prince certain Prelate British Q—p—t—s English

Great Britain

Syncopists English

Footnote 1:

return to footnote mark

Footnote 2: Reader.

return

Contents

№ 568

Friday, July 16, 1714

Аддисон

—Dum recitas, incipit esse Tuus—

Mart.

Royal Exchange

The is very witty to-Day;

Ay, more witty than wise I am afraid.

This fellow, can't for his Life keep out of Politicks. Do you see how he abuses four great Men here?

Asterisks, do you call them? they are all of them Stars. He might as well have put Garters to 'em. Then pray do but mind the two or three next Lines? Ch—rch and P—dd-ing in the same Sentence! Our Clergy are very much beholden to him.

Sir Spectator

you find he is very cautious of giving Offence, and has therefore put two Dashes into his Pudding.

A Fig for his Dash, In his next Sentence he gives a plain Innuendo, that our Posterity will be in a sweet P—ckle. What does the Fool mean by his Pickle? Why does not he write it at length, if he means honestly?

I have read over the whole Sentence, but I look upon the Parenthesis in the Belly of it to be the most dangerous Part, and as full of Insinuations as it can hold.

But who, is my Lady Q—p—t—s?

Ay, Answer that if you can, Sir , I do assure you, were I my Lady I would sue him for What is the World come to? Must every Body be allowed to—?

Spectator Q—p—t—s' but however he has made a little Amends for it in his next Sentence, where he leaves a blank Space without so much as a Consonant to direct us? I mean after those Words after which ensues a Chasm, that in my Opinion looks modest enough.

Sir you may easily know his Meaning by his Gaping; I suppose he designs his Chasm, as you call it, for an Hole to creep out at, but I believe it will hardly serve his Turn. Who can endure to see the great Officers of State, the and treated after so scurrilous a Manner?

I can't for my Life imagine who they are the Spectator means?

No! Your humble Servant, Sir !

Overwise

the whole Duty of Man

Contents

№ 569

Monday, July 19, 1714

Аддисон

Reges dicuntur multis urgere culullis

Et torquere mero, quem perspexisse laborent,

An sit amicitia dignus—

Hor.

Anacharsis Corinth Will. Funnell West Saxon Will. Funnell

Bonosus

Put less Water in your Wine, says the Philosopher, and you'll quickly make her so Qui ebrium ludificat ladit absentem; He who jests upon a Man that is Drunk, injures the Absent.

Contents

№ 570

Wednesday, July 21, 1714

—Nugaque canora—

Hor.

Cætera de genere hoc adeo sunt multa, loquacem

Delassare valent Fabium—

was 1 to treat him with a Whistle; For you must know, Gentlemen, that I whistle the best of any Man in Sir Italian Musical Pipes Sappho

Temple-Bar Charles Mathers Covent-Garden.

Footnote 1:

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Contents

№ 571

Friday, July 23, 1714

Аддисон

—Cœlum quid querimus ultra?

Luc.

of 1

Sir ,

In your Paper of Friday the 9th Instant, you had Occasion to consider the Ubiquity of the Godhead, and at the same time, to shew, that as he is present to every thing, he cannot but be attentive to every thing, and privy to all the Modes and Parts of its Existence; or, in other Words, that his Omniscience and Omnipresence are coexistent, and run together through the whole Infinitude of Space. This Consideration might furnish us with many Incentives to Devotion and Motives to Morality, but as this Subject has been handled by several excellent Writers, I shall consider it in a Light wherein I have not seen it placed by others.

Во-первых, как безутешно состояние разумного существа, которое находится в присутствии своего Создателя, но в то же время не получает никакой особой пользы или преимущества от этого Его присутствия! Во-вторых, как плачевно состояние разумного существа, которое не ощущает от этого Его присутствия иных последствий, кроме тех, что проистекают из Божественного гнева и негодования! В-третьих, как счастливо состояние того разумного существа, которое ощущает присутствие своего Создателя благодаря тайным проявлениям Его милосердия и любви!

First, How disconsolate is the Condition of an intellectual Being, who is thus present with his Maker, but at the same time receives no extraordinary Benefit or Advantage from this his Presence!

Every Particle of Matter is actuated by this Almighty Being which passes through it. The Heavens and the Earth, the Stars and Planets, move and gravitate by Vertue of this great Principle within them. All the dead Parts of Nature are invigorated by the Presence of their Creator, and made capable of exerting their respective Qualities. The several Instincts, in the brute Creation, do likewise operate and work towards the several Ends which are agreeable to them, by this Divine Energy. Man only, who does not co-operate with this holy Spirit, and is unattentive to his Presence, receives none of those Advantages from it, which are perfective of his Nature, and necessary to his Well-being. The Divinity is with him, and in him, and everywhere about him, but of no Advantage to him. It is the same thing to a Man without Religion, as if there were no God in the World. It is indeed impossible for an infinite Being to remove himself from any of his Creatures, but tho' he cannot withdraw his Essence from us, which would argue an Imperfection in him, he can withdraw from us all the Joys and Consolations of it. His Presence may perhaps be necessary to support us in our Existence; but he may leave this our Existence to it self, with regard to its Happiness or Misery. For, in this Sense, he may cast us away from his Presence, and take his holy Spirit from us. This single Consideration one would think sufficient to make us open our Hearts to all those Infusions of Joy and Gladness which are so near at Hand, and ready to be poured in upon us; especially when we consider,

Secondly, The deplorable Condition of an intellectual Being who feels no other Effects from his Maker's Presence, but such as proceed from Divine Wrath and Indignation!

We may assure our selves, that the great Author of Nature will not always be as one who is indifferent to any of his Creatures. Those who will not feel him in his Love, will be sure at length to feel him in his Displeasure. And how dreadful is the Condition of that Creature, who is only sensible of the Being of his Creator by what he suffers from him! He is as essentially present in Hell as in Heaven, but the Inhabitants of those accursed Places behold him only in his Wrath, and shrink within the Flames to conceal themselves from him. It is not in the Power of Imagination to conceive the fearful Effects of Omnipotence incensed.

But I shall only consider the Wretchedness of an intellectual Being, who, in this Life, lies under the Displeasure of him, that at all Times and in all Places is intimately united with him. He is able to disquiet the Soul, and vex it in all its Faculties. He can hinder any of the greatest Comforts of Life from refreshing us, and give an Edge to every one of its slightest Calamities. Who then can bear the Thought of being an Out-cast from his Presence, that is, from the Comforts of it, or of feeling it only in its Terrors? How pathetick is that Expostulation of Job, when, for the Tryal of his Patience, he was made to look upon himself in this deplorable Condition!

Why hast thou set me as a Mark against thee, so that I am become a Burthen to my self?

But, Thirdly, how happy is the Condition of that intellectual Being, who is sensible of his Maker's Presence from the secret Effects of his Mercy and Loving-kindness.

The Blessed in Heaven behold him Face to Face; that is, are as sensible of his Presence as we are of the Presence of any Person whom we look upon with our Eyes. There is doubtless a Faculty in Spirits, by which they apprehend one another, as our Senses do material Objects; and there is no Question but our Souls, when they are disembodied, or placed in glorified Bodies, will by this Faculty, in whatever Part of Space they reside, be always sensible of the Divine Presence. We, who have this Veil of Flesh standing between us and the World of Spirits, must be Content to know that the Spirit of God is present with us, by the Effects which he produces in us. Our outward Senses are too gross to apprehend him; we may however taste and see how gracious he is, by his Influence upon our Minds, by those Virtuous Thoughts which he awakens in us, by those secret Comforts and Refreshments which he conveys into our Souls, and by those ravishing Joys and inward Satisfactions, which are perpetually springing up, and diffusing themselves among all the Thoughts of good Men. He is lodged in our very Essence, and is as a Soul within the Soul, to irradiate its Understanding, rectifie its Will, purifie its Passions, and enliven all the Powers of Man. How happy therefore is an intellectual Being, who, by Prayer and Meditation, by Virtue and good Works, opens this Communication between God and his own Soul! Tho' the whole Creation frowns upon him, and all Nature looks black about him, he has his Light and Support within him, that are able to cheer his Mind, and bear him up in the Midst of all those Horrors which encompass him. He knows that his Helper is at Hand, and is always nearer to him than any thing else can be, which is capable of annoying or terrifying him. In the Midst of Calumny or Contempt, he attends to that Being who whispers better things within his Soul, and whom he looks upon as his Defender, his Glory, and the Lifter up of his Head. In his deepest Solitude and Retirement, he knows that he is in Company with the greatest of Beings; and perceives within himself such real Sensations of his Presence, as are more delightful than any thing that can be met with in the Conversation of his Creatures. Even in the Hour of Death, he considers the Pains of his Dissolution to be nothing else but the breaking down of that Partition, which stands betwixt his Soul, and the Sight of that Being, who is always present with him, and is about to manifest it self to him in Fullness of Joy.

If we would be thus Happy, and thus Sensible of our Maker's Presence, from the secret Effects of his Mercy and Goodness, we must keep such a Watch over all our Thoughts, that, in the Language of the Scripture, his Soul may have Pleasure in us. We must take care not to grieve his Holy Spirit, and endeavour to make the Meditations of our Hearts always acceptable in his Sight, that he may delight thus to reside and dwell in us. The Light of Nature could direct Seneca to this Doctrine, in a very remarkable Passage among his Epistles:

Sacer inest in nobis spiritus bonorum malorumque custos, et Observator, et quemadmodum nos illum tractamus, ita et ille nos.2

There is a Holy Spirit residing in us, who watches and observes both Good and Evil Men, and will treat us after the same Manner that we treat him. But I shall conclude this Discourse with those more emphatical Words in Divine Revelation,

If a Man love me, he will keep my Word, and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our Abode with him.3

Footnote 1: 565 580 590 628

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Footnote 2:

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Footnote 3: John

return

Contents

№ 572

Monday, July 26, 1714

З. Пирс

—Quod medicorum est

Promittant medici—

Hor.

Sir Homer's Machaon Virgil's Japis Galens Andrew

Great-Britain Hammersmith Spectators Hammersmith

Eastern Herodotus are infallible, and never fail of Success

Westminster Anodine Fotus, English Go, says he, send the Knave about his Business: Was his Method as infallible as he pretends, he would long before now have been in his Coach and Six.

viz. with God's Blessing Virgil's Japis Æneas English Dryden's Prop'd on his Lance the pensive Heroe stood,

And heard, and saw unmov'd, the Mourning Crowd.

The fam'd Physician tucks his Robes around,

With ready Hands, and hastens to the Wound.

With gentle Touches he performs his Part,

This Way and that, solliciting the Dart,

And exercises all his Heavenly Art.

All softning Simples, known of Sov'reign Use,

He presses out, and pours their noble Juice;

These first infus'd, to lenifie the Pain,

He tugs with Pincers, but he tugs in vain.

Then to the Patron of his Art he pray'd;

The Patron of his Art refus'd his Aid.

But now the Goddess Mother, mov'd with Grief,

And pierc'd with Pity, hastens her Relief.

A Branch of Healing Dittany she brought,

Which in the Cretan Fields with Care she sought;

Rough is the Stem, which woolly Leaves surround;

The Leafs with Flow'rs, the Flow'rs with Purple crown'd:

Well known to-wounded Goats; a sure Relief

To draw the pointed Steel, and ease the Grief.

This Venus brings, in Clouds involv'd; and brews

Th' extracted Liquor with Ambrosian Dews,

And od'rous Panacee: Unseen she stands,

Temp'ring the Mixture with her heav'nly Hands:

And pours it in a Bowl, already crown'd

With Juice of medc'nal Herbs, prepared to bathe the Wound.

The Leech, unknowing of superior Art,

Which aids the Cure, with this foments the Part;

And in a Moment ceas'd the raging Smart.

Stanched is the Blood, and in the bottom stands:

The Steel, but scarcely touched with tender Hands,

Moves up, and follows of its own Accord;

And Health and Vigour are at once restor'd.

Japis first perceiv'd the closing Wound;

And first the Footsteps of a God he found.

Arms, Arms! he cries, the Sword and Shield prepare,

And send the willing Chief, renew'd to War.

This is no mortal Work, no cure of mine,

Nor Art's effect, but done by Hands Divine.

Footnote 1:

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Contents

№ 573

Wednesday, July 28, 1714

—Castigata remordent—

Juv.

Smart Sir ,

'You are pleased to be very merry, as you imagine, with us Widows: And you seem to ground your Satyr on our receiving Consolation so soon after the Death of our Dears, and the Number we are pleased to admit for our Companions; but you never reflect what Husbands we have buried, and how short a Sorrow the Loss of them was capable of occasioning. For my own Part, Mrs. President as you call me, my First Husband I was marry'd to at Fourteen, by my Uncle and Guardian (as I afterwards discovered) by way of Sale, for the Third part of my Fortune. This Fellow looked upon me as a meer Child, he might breed up after his own Fancy; if he kissed my Chamber-Maid before my Face, I was supposed so ignorant, how could I think there was any Hurt in it? When he came home Roaring Drunk at five in the Morning, 'twas the Custom of all Men that live in the World. I was not to see a Penny of Money, for, poor Thing, how could I manage it? He took a handsome Cousin of his into the House, (as he said) to be my Housekeeper, and to govern my Servants; for how should I know how to rule a Family? and while she had what Money she pleased, which was but reasonable for the Trouble she was at for my Good, I was not to be so censorious as to dislike Familiarity and Kindness between near Relations. I was too great a Coward to contend, but not so ignorant a Child to be thus imposed upon. I resented his Contempt as I ought to do, and as most poor passive blinded Wives do, 'till it pleased Heaven to take away my Tyrant, who left me free Possession of my own Land, and a large Jointure. My Youth and Money brought me many Lovers, and several endeavoured to establish an Interest in my Heart while my Husband was in his last Sickness; the Honourable Edward Waitfort was one of the first who addressed to me, advised to it by a Cousin of his that was my intimate Friend, and knew to a Penny what I was worth. Mr. Waitfort is a very agreeable Man, and every Body would like him as well as he does himself, if they did not plainly see that his Esteem and Love is all taken up, and by such an Object, as 'tis impossible to get the better of. I mean himself. He made no doubt of marrying me within Four or Five Months, and begun to proceed with such an assured easie Air, that piqued my Pride not to banish him; quite contrary, out of pure Malice, I heard his first Declaration with so much innocent Surprize, and blushed so prettily, I perceived it touched his very Heart, and he thought me the best-natured Silly poor thing on Earth. When a Man has such a Notion of a Woman, he loves her better than he thinks he does. I was overjoy'd to be thus revenged on him, for designing on my Fortune; and finding it was in my Power to make his Heart ake, I resolved to compleat my Conquest, and entertain'd several other Pretenders. The first Impression of my undesigning Innocence was so strong in his Head, he attributed all my Followers to the inevitable Force of my Charms, and from several Blushes and side Glances, concluded himself the Favourite; and when I used him like a Dog for my Diversion, he thought it was all Prudence and Fear, and pitied the Violence I did my own Inclinations to comply with my Friends, when I marry'd Sir Nicholas Fribble of Sixty Years of Age. You know, Sir , the Case of Mrs. Medlar, I hope you would not have had me cry out my Eyes for such a Husband. I shed Tears enough for my Widowhood a Week after my Marriage, and when he was put in his Grave, reckoning he had been two Years dead, and my self a Widow of that Standing, I married three Weeks afterwards John Sturdy, Esq., his next Heir. I had indeed some Thoughts of taking Mr. Waitfort, but I found he could stay, and besides he thought it indecent to ask me to marry again 'till my Year was out, so privately resolving him for my Fourth, I took Mr. Sturdy for the present. Would you believe it, Sir , Mr. Sturdy was just Five and Twenty, about Six Foot high, and the stoutest Fox-hunter in the Country, and I believe I wished ten thousand times for my old Fribble again; he was following his Dogs all the Day, and all the Night keeping them up at Table with him and his Companions: however I think my self obliged to them for leading him a Chase in which he broke his Neck. Mr. Waitfort began his Addresses anew, and I verily believe I had married him now, but there was a young Officer in the Guards, that had debauched two or three of my Acquaintance, and I could not forbear being a little vain of his Courtship. Mr. Waitfort heard of it, and read me such an insolent Lecture upon the Conduct of Women, I married the Officer that very Day, out of pure Spight to him. Half an Hour after I was married I received a Penitential Letter from the Honourable Mr. Edward Waitfort, in which he begged Pardon for his Passion, as proceeding from the Violence of his Love: I triumphed when I read it, and could not help, out of the Pride of my Heart, shewing it to my new Spouse: and we were very merry together upon it. Alas! my Mirth lasted a short time; my young Husband was very much in Debt when I marry'd him, and his first Action afterwards was to set up a gilt Chariot and Six, in fine Trappings before and behind. I had married so hastily, I had not the Prudence to reserve my Estate in my own Hands; my ready Money was lost in two Nights at the Groom Porter's; and my Diamond Necklace, which was stole I did not know how, I met in the Street upon Jenny Wheadle's Neck. My Plate vanished Piece by Piece, and I had been reduced to downright Pewter, if my Officer had not been deliciously killed in a Duel, by a Fellow that had cheated him of Five Hundred Pounds, and afterwards, at his own Request, satisfy'd him and me too, by running him through the Body. Mr. Waitfort was still in Love, and told me so again; and to prevent all Fears of ill Usage, he deSir 'd me to reserve every thing in my own Hands: But now my Acquaintance begun to wish me Joy of his Constancy, my Charms were declining, and I could not resist the Delight I took in shewing the young Flirts about Town, it was yet in my Power to give Pain to a Man of Sense: This, and some private Hopes he would hang himself, and what a Glory would it be for me, and how I should be envy'd, made me accept of being third Wife to my Lord Friday. I proposed from my Rank and his Estate, to live in all the Joys of Pride, but how was I mistaken? he was neither extravagant, nor ill-natured, nor debauched? I suffered however more with him than with all my others. He was splenatick. I was forced to sit whole Days hearkening to his imaginary Ails; it was impossible to tell what would please him; what he liked when the Sun shined, made him sick when it rained; he had no Distemper, but lived in constant Fear of them all: my good Genius dictated to me to bring him acquainted with Doctor Gruel; from that Day he was always contented, because he had Names for all his Complaints; the good Doctor furnished him with Reasons for all his Pains, and Prescriptions for every Fancy that troubled him; in hot Weather he lived upon Juleps, and let Blood to prevent Fevers; when it grew cloudy he generally apprehended a Consumption; to shorten the History of this wretched Part of my Life, he ruined a good Constitution by endeavouring to mend it, and took several Medicines, which ended in taking the grand Remedy, which cured both him and me of all our Uneasinesses. After his Death, I did not expect to hear any more of Mr. Waitfort, I knew he had renounced me to all his Friends, and been very witty upon my Choice, which he affected to talk of with great Indifferency; I gave over thinking of him, being told that he was engaged with a pretty Woman and a great Fortune; it vexed me a little, but not enough to make me neglect the Advice of my Cousin Wishwell, that came to see me the Day my Lord went into the Country with Russel; she told me experimentally, nothing put an unfaithful Lover and a dear Husband so soon out of ones Head, as a new one; and, at the same time, propos'd to me a Kinsman of hers; You understand enough of the World (said she) to know Money is the most valuable Consideration; he is very rich, and I am sure cannot live long; he has a Cough that must carry him off soon. I knew afterwards she had given the self-same Character of me to him; but however I was so much persuaded by her, I hastned on the Match, for fear he should die before the time came; he had the same Fears, and was so pressing, I married him in a Fortnight, resolving to keep it private a Fortnight longer. During this Fortnight Mr. Waitfort came to make me a Visit; he told me he had waited on me sooner, but had that Respect for me, he would not interrupt me in the first Day of my Affliction for my dead Lord; that as soon as he heard I was at Liberty to make another Choice, he had broke off a Match very advantageous for his Fortune, just upon the Point of Conclusion, and was forty times more in Love with me than ever. I never received more Pleasure in my Life than from this Declaration, but I composed my Face to a grave Air, and said the News of his Engagement had touched me to the Heart, that in a rash jealous Fit, I had married a Man I could never have thought on if I had not lost all hopes of him. Good-natured Mr. Waitfort had like to have dropped down dead at hearing this, but went from me with such an Air as plainly shewed me he laid all the Blame upon himself, and hated those Friends that had advised him to the Fatal Application; he seemed as much touched by my Misfortune as his own, for he had not the least Doubt I was still passionately in Love with him. The Truth of the Story is, my new Husband gave me Reason to repent I had not staid for him; he had married me for my Money, and I soon found he loved Money to Distraction; there was nothing he would not do to get it, nothing he would not suffer to preserve it; the smallest Expence keep him awake whole Nights, and when he paid a Bill, 'twas with as many Sighs, and after as many Delays, as a Man that endures the Loss of a Limb. I heard nothing but Reproofs for Extravagancy whatever I did. I saw very well that he would have starved me, but for losing my Jointures; and he suffered Agonies between the Grief of seeing me have so good a Stomach, and the Fear that if he made me fast, it might prejudice my Health. I did not doubt he would have broke my Heart, if I did not break his, which was allowed by the Law of Self-defence. The Way was very easy. I resolved to spend as much Money as I could, and before he was aware of the Stroke, appeared before him in a two thousand Pound Diamond Necklace; he said nothing, but went quietly to his Chamber, and, as it is thought, composed himself with a Dose of Opium. I behaved my self so well upon the Occasion, that to this Day I believe he died of an Apoplexy. Mr. Waitfort was resolved not to be too late this time, and I heard from him in two Days. I am almost out of my Weed at this present Writing, and am very doubtful whether I'll marry him or no. I do not think of a Seventh, for the ridiculous Reason you mention, but out of pure Morality that I think so much Constancy should be rewarded, tho' I may not do it after all perhaps. I do not believe all the unreasonable Malice of Mankind can give a Pretence why I should have been constant to the Memory of any of the Deceased, or have spent much time in grieving for so insolent, insignificant, negligent, extravagant, splenatick, or covetous Husband; my first insulted me, my second was nothing to me, my third disgusted me, the fourth would have ruined me, the fifth tormented me, and the sixth would have starved me. If the other Ladies you name would thus give in their Husbands Pictures at length, you would see they have had as little Reason as my self to lose their Hours in weeping and wailing.

Contents

№ 574

Friday, July 30, 1714

Аддисон

Non possidentem multa vocaveris Rectè Beatum, recliùs occupat Nomen Beati, qui Deorum Muneribus sapienter uti Duramque callet pauperiem pati.

Hor.

Rosicrusian the great Secret Content.

Sir

Aristippus Why I have three Farms still, and you have but one; so that I ought rather to be afflicted for you, than you for me. Sir Pittacus Lydia Content is natural Wealth Socrates Luxury is artificial Poverty. Sir Bion That no Man has so much Care, as he who endeavours after the most Happiness.

Dutchman Leg Neck. Every one, has his Calamity, and he is a happy Man that has no greater than this Hammond Fell.

Scheme Augustus It is for that very Reason, that I grieve.

Sir

Contents

№ 575

Monday, August 2, 1714

Аддисон

—Nec merti esse locum—

Virg.

Father you are in a very miserable Condition if there is not another World. True, Son, but what is thy Condition if there is?

Contents

№ 576

Wednesday, August 4, 1714

Аддисон

Nitor in adversum; nec me, qui coetera, vincit

Impetus; et rapido contrarius euchor Orbi.

Ovid.

Sir

Sir sociable

England Homer Greek English Hussars. Bedlam

Fontinell's The Ambitious and the Covetous are Madmen to all Intents and Purposes, as much as those who are shut up in dark Rooms; but they have the good Luck to have Numbers on their Side; whereas the Frenzy of one who is given up for a Lunatick, is a Frenzy

Contents

№ 577

Friday, August 6, 1714

—Hoc tolerabile, si non

Et furere incipias—

Juv.

Sir ,

'You have so lately decryed that Custom, too much in use among most People, of making themselves the Subjects of their Writings and Conversation, that I had some difficulty to perswade my self to give you this Trouble, till I had considered that tho' I should speak in the First Person, yet I could not be justly charged with Vanity, since I shall not add my Name; as also, because what I shall write will not, to say the best, redound to my Praise; but is only designed to remove a Prejudice conceived against me, as I hope, with very little Foundation. My short History is this.

I have lived for some Years last past altogether in London, till about a Month ago an Acquaintance of mine, for whom I have done some small Services in Town, invited me to pass part of the Summer with him at his House in the Country. I accepted his Invitation, and found a very hearty Welcome. My Friend, an honest plain Man, not being qualified to pass away his Time without the Reliefs of Business, has grafted the Farmer upon the Gentleman, and brought himself to submit even to the servile Parts of that Employment, such as inspecting his Plough, and the like. This necessarily takes up some of his Hours every Day; and as I have no Relish for such Diversions, I used at these Times to retire either to my Chamber, or a shady Walk near the House, and entertain my self with some agreeable Author. Now you must know, Mr. SPECTATOR, that when I read, especially if it be Poetry, it is very usual with me, when I meet with any Passage or Expression which strikes me much, to pronounce it aloud, with that Tone of the Voice which I think agreeable to the Sentiments there expressed; and to this I generally add some Motion or Action of the Body. It was not long before I was observed by some of the Family in one of these heroick Fits, who thereupon received Impressions very much to my Disadvantage. This however I did not soon discover, nor should have done probably, had it not been for the following Accident. I had one Day shut my self up in my Chamber, and was very deeply engaged in the Second Book of Milton's Paradise Lost. I walked to and fro with the Book in my Hand, and, to speak the Truth, I fear I made no little Noise; when presently coming to the following Lines,